Archive for September, 2007

Checking to See If He Lives with His Mother

Lady: What are you doing today?
Man: Nothing.
Lady, suddenly excited: By the way, do you do laundry?
Man: Yeah, why?
Lady: Well, I never heard you talking about doing your laundry before.
Man: Okay… Why would I want to talk about doing my laundry? [Rolls his eyes.]
Lady, embarrassed: I hate when you’re right.

–D train

Overheard by: Ana

Little Kid: I’m Biding My Time

Queer #1 glaring at nearby smoker lady: Ugh!
Queer #2: I hope she gets cancer. [Woman passes a little kid and enters museum.] That little kid should’ve kicked her.

–Outside the Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Caulfield

Girl: That “I’m Really Catholic” Ploy Works Every Time

Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!

–36th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peter Persico

What?! We Don’t Have Our Own Stairs?

Woman #1: Why don’t we take the elevator?
Woman #2: Don’t we have to wait in the line?
Woman #1: Oh, no, we’re faculty. We can just go up.
Guard: Join the line for the elevator, please!
Woman #1: Oh, we’re faculty.
Guard: And you can join the line for the elevator, please.
Woman #1: Ugh. I’ll just walk up to the third floor, then!

–Silver Center, NYU

Thirty Years Late in Some Cases

Tourist woman #1: I don’t understand why people are laughing at everything the characters say.
Tourist woman #2: I know! I think most people are just getting most of the jokes late.

Spamalot, Shubert Theatre

Overheard by: sara

True, but He Only Does It Every Five Days

Guy, about colleague’s showering habits: Yea, you know, I have an eye for that kinda stuff. Need to make sure people stay clean ‘n fresh ’round me. Know what I’m sayin’?
Girl: Are you sure? Because–
Guy: –Nah, yo. He must shower early in the morning or late at night. Or else somewhere in between.

–On the bus

Overheard by: Nabz