Archive for September, 2007

Um, I’m from Thailand

White tween: Everyone has a MySpace.
Asian tween: I don’t have a MySpace.
White tween: You don’t got a MySpace? Why not?
Asian tween: ‘Cause it’s the easiest way to meet sexual predators.
White tween, laughing: Nah, don’t worry. You ain’t ever gonna meet any sexual predators — you’re ugly.

–PS 173 playground, Fresh Meadows

Barbara Bush Is So Fucking Self-righteous

Little girl seeing naked cowgirl: Mommy, how come I can see that lady’s boobies?
Mommy: Well, she’s letting everybody know it’s okay to breast feed.

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chadwick Vogel

Headline by: mbobbinson

Runners-Up:
· “…for Tips” – Melissa

· “And Why Did Daddy Just Walk Into a Pole?” – TJ
· “Her Thong Lets Everyone Know Tips Are Appreciated” – Dangello
· “How Come I Can See Her Vagina?” – Peter Madsen
· “Later, She’ll Ride the Mechanical Bull and Serve Us Milkshakes” – Dawn Elizabeth


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It’s Almost Gotten to the Point Where I Can Sit Down Again

Creepy goth guy: Wait, so did he cry when you guys broke up?
Fat chick: Basically, it was like, ‘Things are different now, dude. It’s a complete role reversal. It’s like I’m the guy and you’re the girl, and, quite frankly, I don’t want to put my dick in you.’
Creepy goth guy: Oh, I’ve heard that one before.

–The Met

Overheard by: Shaaaane

Or, You Know, Whatever

Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don’t know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I…
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.

–17th & Irving

Overheard by: B-Round

Wednesday One-Liners Look Busy When the Foreman Comes Around

Hardhat: Sometimes I like pissing on the sawdust floor and seeing the dust come right back up in the air.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: TVontheFritz

Black hardhat to hot chick: Will you be my screensaver?

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: Philip

Hardhat: This whole street smells like panties!

–43rd & 8th

Big hardhat, after bumped by lady: Yo, I’m tryin’ to be Italian over here!

–64th & 1st

Overheard by: Rich Templeton

A Wednesday One-Liner Is Worth a Thousand Words

Cheerful lady taking photos: Smile! Say, ‘Shit’!

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Chick with camera: I am gonna Flickr the fuck out of you!

–Burp Castle, 7th & 2nd

Overheard by: Still dazzled by the flash

Hippie chick: Yeah, I put up a picture of her on my site — the one of her on the couch. It was the only picture where she didn’t have two dicks in her.

–Thai restaurant, Park Slope

Angry man, about his ex: I was looking at her picture and got mad right away. You know instant oatmeal? I was instant angry.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: KristenH

Man with accent, into pay phone: I have the pictures! With the girl, yes! … Vagina in them! Yes!

–W 4th St

Wednesday One-Liners Are Sleeping with Their Secretaries

Suit on the run, after accosted by street charity worker: I don’t want to save a child! I want to go to a meeting!

–53rd & Lex

Suit: Yeah, I don’t think I could work for the government. All they do is kill people.

–23rd & Park

Suit: I don’t play hard to get; I play hard to like.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Brian

Suit on cell: I just got back from São Paulo. That place looks like New York threw up on L.A.

–JFK

Suit on cell: What do you mean scientologists are following you? … No, you can’t stay at my place tonight…

–6th Ave

Overheard by: E.Major