Thug #1: Man, this nigga is so gangsta.
Thug #2, sharing thug #1′s headphones: Word. Although, really I think he just raps like that because he’s really vulnerable right now.
–L train, 1st Ave
Overheard by: kanye’s therapist
Archive for November, 2007
Now I Remember Why I Stopped Having Kids
Little kid, refusing to eat soup: I already ate a chicken patty this morning!
Mother: Shhh. Do you see anyone else in this place yelling?
Little kid: You’re making me yell!
Grandmother: Eat the soup.
Little kid: Stop making me yell!
–Panera Bread
Overheard by: happened to be working on my laptop
Mom Had Quite a Mouth on Her
Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street.
–Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex
What Exactly Do You Do with Your Earlobe, Anyway?
Creepster #1: Oh, man! I’m scared I’d never be able to have sex again.
Creepster #2: Naw, man, it isn’t that bad. Just make sure they pierce it in the right spot.
–9th & 6th
If It’s a Girl, Make Sure You Have a Video Camera
Dad: What are you going to do if a boy tries to kiss you?
Little girl: Bop him on the head.
Dad: That’s right — bop him on the head with a stick.
–1 train
Overheard by: Frank Kelly
Stop Singing and Lick Me
Chubby chick #1: Oh my god, you know who I look like and who I sound like? I saw like this really, really old CD of Barbara Cook, and she’s so much fatter than me, but we sing exactly alike! [Sings.]
Chubby chick #2: I don’t really think I look like anybody. That’s not true — I look like a Gummi Bear.
–Starbucks, 52nd & Lex
People Play Board Games without Smoking Pot?
Boy #1: So, I thought of something to make our image seem cooler.
Boy #2: What?
Boy #1: Whenever we talk about playing board games, we call it ‘smoking pot.’
Boy #2: Oh, man, we smoke a lot of pot.
–Metro-North
I Don’t Know Why Not
Queer #1: Sex with Nordic guys? That’s like revenge sex for the Holocaust.
Queer #2: The Nordics? They weren’t… Well… They weren’t so bad. Plus, you can’t keep blaming the fact that you’re a huge whore on the Holocaust!
–Wall & William St
These Days, My Intelligence Is Globally Distributed
Guy: I liked it. What’d you think?
Date: It was okay, I guess. I don’t know about the ending, though.
Guy: Well, I’m pretty sure it has some deeper meaning. I’ll have to check some message boards and find out.
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Hopefully Not Someone Too Chunky
Passenger, after 30 minutes of delay: What do you suppose is going on up there?
Conductor, matter-of-factly: Someone is splattered all over the tracks for sure.
–Grand Central-bound Metro-North