Archive for November, 2007

I Took Him Shopping

Queer #1: I had a dream last night that I had cancer, but Ty Pennington showed up and built me a house!
Queer #2: The real question is, did you also have sex with him in the dream?
Queer #1: Come on, that would have been tacky!

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Kyle

The Subway Is Something Else Entirely

Bus driver, swinging door open: If you ain’t good-lookin’, y’all ain’t gettin’ on my bus! [Girls outside stare.] I said, if you ain’t good-lookin’, you ain’t gettin’ on board!
Girl, slowly taking step: Well… I’m getting on this bus…
Bus driver: That’s right! That’s right! ‘Cause you good-lookin’! Get your ass in here!

–Fort Tryon Park

Overheard by: specialK

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Cashier: Yes.
Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sorry.
Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I’m sleeping with a dominatrix. And it’s all true.

–Whole Foods

I’ll Make a Toast with My 40 and Put a Cap in Your Ass with My .38

Son: I wasn’t talking about drinking champagne.
Mom: You don’t know anything. You make a toast with champagne, not 40s!

–Bushwick

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Headline by: Hobo Whisperer

Runners-Up:
· “Miss Manners Said So” – John
· “Not According to “Martha Stewart’s Bronx Living”, Mom” – Gabbertoons
· “Parenting on the Rocks?” – crystal
· “Shows What You Know About the Elite and Enviable Life Of the Fratboy.” – danielle
· “Spike Lee Fights the Power” – glenntronic


Click here to see the new Headline Contest