Archive for November, 2007

A Slutathon of Wednesday One-Liners

Teen girl on cell: So, I ended up giving him head in a closet at Allie’s party. Am I a skank? Yes. Do I care? No.

–Starbucks

Chick on cell: I have casual, meaningless sex. It’s what I do. It’s like a cornerstone of my life… Yeah, so why is he calling me to tell me what he’s buying at the grocery store? It’s like, ‘Call your fucking girlfriend for that.’

–E 93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: aunt petunia

Man on cell: … Coming from a woman who’s having an adulterous affair. Yes, I’m a total slut. I take no offense at that.

–Broadway, between Prince & Spring

Overheard by: Leslie G.

Saucy chick: I was hoping you had a juicy connection to him via a slutty friend at Oberlin.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Chick on cell: Of course I will be in your wedding party, as long as you don’t call me ‘maid.’ I looked up the definition, and it means ‘sexually inexperienced.’ They don’t call it ‘man-whore of honor.’

–Bus stop, Flatbush & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lala

Dude to chick: Having self respect is too hard. You should be a slut. At least for a little while.

–Chambers St

Overheard by: maria

Wednesday and Its One-Linericiousness

Black chick to friend: Are you sure you want to invite them? They aren’t re-niggers, are they? You know, niggers that renege a lot?

–Dressing room, Roosevelt Field Mall

Overheard by: horrified in the next dressing room

Guy on cell: They fucked with me! I need to get into those classes, and now I won’t graduate ’til… Neveruary!

–9th & 2nd

Bimbette on cell: But you can’t lollygag! You can’t even textygag!

–Metro-North

Professor: Hmmm… Blackboard is down… That could be problematical.

–Baruch College

Overheard by: I Am McLoVey

Young mom to squirming toddler: Why is you beastin’?

–Lexington Ave

You Look a Lot Less Like You in Person

Man #1: What is going on here?
Man #2: They are filming the new Sex in the City movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. They have the entrance to the subway blocked off.
Man #1: Wonderful. I wouldn’t even know what Sarah Jessica Parker looks like.
Woman nearby: Hi. I’m Sarah Jessica Parker.
Man #1: Nice to meet you. Can I go home now?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Sure, go ahead.

–Outside 6 train entrance

Overheard by: Matt

Until They Fall on You

Tiny Asian girl: She was massive! And you know how, like, sometimes the trains don’t open both doors and they just open one? She could barely get in. And then when she finally squeezed through, she took up, like, three fucking seats.
Skinny brunette: That’s crazy. You never see fat people.

–24th & 8th

Overheard by: Frank P.