Archive for December, 2007

Religion Being Indistinguishable from Marketing

Scientologist man: What would you like your career to be?
Young queer: I’m still not sure. I’d like something that pays millions but doesn’t require any actual work, you know?
Scientologist man: You should aspire to do more with your life if you ever want to be happy. I own my own company, and I love my life.
Young queer: Um, you’re giving out free stress tests in a subway station and attempting to sell some crazy guy’s book. Am I supposed to believe that this is just a hobby of yours?
Scientologist man: Yes.

–42nd St station

Overheard by: Lolita

She Has Slut-dar

Middle-aged man with suitcases: So, where’s the airport, honey?
Russian chick: Oh my god. Oh my god.
Middle-aged wife: What? Newark Airport?
Russian chick: This isn’t the airport, slut!

–Port Authority

That’s Code for, “I’m Lost, Too”

Man: Excuse me, could you tell me where–
Biotech, interrupting: –Look, I don’t have time to make up fake directions.

–W Broadway

Headline by: Trey Jackson

Runners-Up:
· “And This Rudeness Is Two Seconds Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back” – Markle

· “And, Being a New Yorker, I Certainly Won’t Give You Real Ones” – Yana
· “Mapquest’s Employee Of the Month” – Claire
· “Or The Knowledge for Real Ones” – DIck
· “So Take a Left Over There” – emily bess
· “Take a Cab. Be Sure You Tell the Driver You’re from Out Of Town.” – jnr


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What He Gets for Being Fresh

Bread vendor: Hey! Lady! Don’t touch the bread!
Old lady, squeezing bread: How am I gonna know if it’s fresh?
Bread vendor: I’ll give you fresh!
Old lady, hitting vendor with large purse in time to her speech: You. Know. What?! You’re. A. Dog! Nothing but a two-bit, Lower East Side dog! That’s what you are!
Bread vendor: Ahhh! [Old lady leaves.]

–Soho

Overheard by: Bulent Akman