Archive for 2007

Charlton Heston: Bitch Soup Is People!

Middle-aged black dude #1: I wanted to take Shaquan for the weekend, and you know what that bitch told me? She said she was taking him to his grandmother’s house!
Middle-aged black dude #2: Man, what’s with that woman? She don’t let you see your kids!
Middle-aged black dude #1: His grandmother don’t need to see him. She’s too old to see, anyway! I ain’t seen Shaquan since Ju-ly! That’s fucked up. I should kill that bitch. Old Asian lady walks through the train selling noisemakers and batteries. Middle-aged black dude #1: And why is it when I’m selling bootleg DVDs in a primarily black neighborhood, all the police see is me? When I’m around all black people! But don’t nobody say nothin’ when this Asian chick sells this junk. Then I’m in jail and this bitch is selling. Then they tell me, ‘You can’t get out until you pay.’ How I’ma make money if I’m in jail, fool?
Middle-aged black dude #2: Heh heh heh. Right, right. But fo’ real, though, you should kill that bitch!
Middle-aged black dude #1: For real. I should. Shit’s fucked up. I don’t care about her pussy — I can get another pussy. ‘Scuse my language. No offense, ladies. I can get another bitch to fuck, but that’s my kid! I’ma kill that bitch. I’ma chop her up! I used to be a butcher, man. I’ma chop her up. Make bitch soup! And sell it to the homeless. –A train Overheard by: Melody SW

Nicely Deflected!

Dude #1: So, what’s the verdict with you two?
Girl: Verdict? Huh?
Dude #1: You know — what’s the verdict?
Dude #2: He wants to know what’s up between you and me.
Girl: Oh. Verdict. That’s an awfully big word. –Flatbush-bound 2 train Overheard by: Sonia

Unfortunately, the Crime Scene Had Already Been Thoroughly Dusted

Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed! –Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx Overheard by: Big Larry