Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train? –Crowded 3 train
Black girl: Yo, white boy! Yo, white boy! [White guy ignores her, so she follows him.] White boy! Yo, white boy!
White guy: What?! How would you like it if I yelled, ‘Hey, black girl! Hey, black girl!’?
Black girl: No! It’s okay! I’m white — I went to Pratt. –Bed-Stuy
Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be! –Bowling Green Overheard by: Matt
Drunk girl: I ate two sausages tonight. Two!
Drunk friend: Oh my god!
Drunk girl: I don’t even eat sausages.
Drunk friend: Wow!
Drunk girl: They were the best sausages I ever had. –29th & 9th
Teen boy #1, pointing to a bush: That’s where we peed last time.
Teen boy #2: Really? –Central Park
Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back? –Upper West Side Overheard by: Charlemagne
Hipster chick: Fuck off — I already told you girls don’t poop. Especially not this one. [Boyfriend looks at her with puppy dog eyes.] And no, you cannot put your penis up there to find out. I am not having this conversation before I meet your mother. –Norfolk & Rivington Overheard by: edith
Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally. –1/2/3 station, 72nd St Overheard by: Debbie
High school student #1: I hate history. I’m flunking it, man.
High school student #2: Yeah, dude, I hate history. All we learn about is old stuff. –2 train, 42nd St
Father: Will you be in tomorrow?
Techie #1: Unfortunately, no, sir.
Father: Well, then who will I yell at if anything goes wrong with the computer?
Techie #2: You could always yell at me, sir!
Daughter, uncertain: … Do you… like to be yelled at? –Circuit City, Union Square