Archive for 2007

Etiquette: A NYC Short Story

Mid-20s guy: He was like, ‘The market’s been up and down,’ so I was like, ‘Yeah, I’ve been up and down on your mom.’
Mid-20s girl: Oh, that’s real classy of you.
Mid-20s guy: What? You call people ‘faggots’ all the time!
Mid-20s girl: Yeah, but I don’t call their moms faggots! –Q train Overheard by: KingM and ALP

Now I Remember Why I Stopped Having Kids

Little kid, refusing to eat soup: I already ate a chicken patty this morning!
Mother: Shhh. Do you see anyone else in this place yelling?
Little kid: You’re making me yell!
Grandmother: Eat the soup.
Little kid: Stop making me yell! –Panera Bread Overheard by: happened to be working on my laptop

Mom Had Quite a Mouth on Her

Customer: How you doin’?
Postal worker: I’m working harder than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Customer: Sounds pretty bad.
Postal worker: Well, it’s better than my mother. She used to say she was working harder than a one-legged whore working both sides of the street. –Grand Central Post Office, 45th & Lex

Stop Singing and Lick Me

Chubby chick #1: Oh my god, you know who I look like and who I sound like? I saw like this really, really old CD of Barbara Cook, and she’s so much fatter than me, but we sing exactly alike! [Sings.]
Chubby chick #2: I don’t really think I look like anybody. That’s not true — I look like a Gummi Bear. –Starbucks, 52nd & Lex