Archive for 2007

Good Insincerity, but You Blew Your Line

Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.

Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]

–N train

Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!

The Idea Seems So Tawdry Now That I’m Peeing

Drunk redhead: Oh my god. I totally tore Hannah’s shirt tonight. I can’t believe I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she doesn’t even care, don’t worry about it.
Drunk redhead: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it before, and now I ripped it. I was going to tell her to make up a crazy sex story about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.

–Restroom, Brother Jimmy’s, 80th & Amsterdam

Actual Easter Bunny: That Hits a Little Too Close to Home

Teen #1: So this kid, Jason — every time we go to a party, he takes a bunch of beers and hides them around whoever’s house we’re at.
Teen #2: You mean, where nobody could find them?
Teen #1: Yeah — in a potted plant, an underwear drawer, the mailbox — anywhere that will ensure him a beer later on.
Teen #2: Christ, he’s like an alcoholic Easter Bunny.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: derwin

How Lois Got a Sneezer

Barista: Okay, and a name for your cup?
Tourist: What?!
Barista: Name for your cup?
Tourist: Why would I want to name my cup?!
Barista: Just tell me your name.
Tourist: I shouldn’t have to tell you my name — what is your problem? [Turns to friend] My lord, New York is so weird…

–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

My Ringtone Is “Viva Kwangju”

Confused college student: My new cell phone is so ghetto. It lights up when it rings. It’s like a Las Vegas show. But I think the inside is nice. It’s like when you have a really crappy house, but it’s well-decorated. Like, on the interior…
Queer friend: Yeah, that’s how Koreans live.

–ArtePasta Restaurant, Greenwich Ave

Overheard by: Smarter College Student

Why Camus Wrote The Plague

Chick #1: You can’t, like, wear all black.
Chick #2: Well, not unless you’re a beatnik.
Chick #1: What’s that?
Chick #2: You know, the guys who wear berets and play the bongos?
Chick #1: Like the French?
Chick #2: [Nods.]
Chick #1: Who knew they had bongos in France?!

–Manhattan-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Smarter than these two

Live Fast, Die Young, Get Lost on the Way to Hoboken

Bassist: This is going to Jersey, right?
Bandmate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re going to Hoboken.
Bandmate: Is Hoboken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or avenue.
Bandmate: Hoboken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re definitely going to Jersey. Someone would tell us if we weren’t.

–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train

Overheard by: brooklyn3