Archive for 2007

The UWGCF Is Usually Known As ‘Society’

Teen girl #1: So, I was talking to her and I said, ‘You’re lucky you’re a minority, because you can get more scholarships for college.’ And she told her friend, and now I’m a ‘racist.’ What the fuck?
Teen girl #2: How is that racist? It’s true! I don’t see a ‘United White Girls College Fund.’
Teen girl #3: It’s called ‘affirmative action.’ Look it up.
Teen girl #1: And why would I be racist? I love black people! I listen to rap.

–Brooklyn High School

Maybe You Should Find Out What That Means, First

Female suit #1: So, last night I was on this website…
Female suit #2, eagerly: Was it MySpace?
Female suit #1: No, it was Smatchy.
Female suit #2, disappointed: Oh…
Female suit #1: What’s wrong?
Female suit #2: I’ve been taking these clairvoyance classes, but I don’t think they’re working.

–L train

I’m Just Not Riding One

Woman #1: So, he takes me to see Eragon, and then he walks me to my door and he’s like, ‘Can I come up?’ And I’m all like, ‘No way,’ and he’s like, ‘Why not?’ And I’m like, ‘ ‘Cause you had sex with my sister, you asshole!’ Can you believe that?!
Woman #2: Why did you even go out with him?
Woman #1: I like dragons.


Overheard by: i like dragons too

The Student Has Become the Master

English teacher: We need nine groups. How many people are in there in this class? 26. So that’s nine groups with… Nine times three is 36. Times two is 18. Eight times four is 32. Times three is 24. So eight groups of three with one group of two. Count off. Okay, ones over there, twos over there, threes over there, fours over there, fives… Oh. Guys, why didn’t you catch this? I’m an English teacher for a reason!
Student #1: Why don’t you just group them in threes, like first set of three there…
Teacher: No, I wanted to mix you guys up. Alright, starting over, one to eight.
Student #1: One.
Student #2: Two.
Student #3: Three.
Student #4: One.

–Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

To Make Partying with Myself Easier

Uniformed school girl: Aunt Diane, Jennifer is waiting for you to come get her.
Aunt Diane: I’m coming here now to give her this fucking money so she can go to the party.
Uniformed school girl: Really?! Can I go to the party?!
Aunt Diane: Shiiit, go back to the apartment and party with your-fucking-self. Why do you have a hole in your fucking stockings?

–Outside a school

Overheard by: Carl