Archive for 2007

And, Like, What Kind of School Involves Factory Labor?

Latina #1 pushing stroller: Mira! Today was the first day of David’s school!
Latina #2: Damn! It start so quickly already?
Latina #1: Yeah, I went to drop David and met with the principal. He seemed a bit shady.
Latina #2: Shady? Like how?
Latina #1: I dunno. He was going on about how he treat everybody in school like his own children. I was like, ‘Hold up! What family has so many kids, anyway?’

–9th & 4th

You’re Right, But for the Wrong Reasons.

Woman: You won’t take a fifty? Why won’t you take a fifty? This is outrageous! You don’t have a checker pen? You just check it with a checker pen! You need to get a checker pen. Oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening!
Counter chick: It’s company policy, we can’t take fifties. Nothing bigger than a twenty. But this drink is on the house.
Woman: I don’t want it on the house! I want to pay!
Counter chick: Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house. You don’t have to pay.
Woman: Well, this is the craziest thing I ever heard! You won’t let me pay! This is my husband’s fault! He owns a nightclub and he won’t give me a credit card. All he gives me is cash from the till! All I have is fifties and hundreds! I have a whole purse full of them! And you won’t let me pay! I feel like I’m homeless or something! Oh my god, this is so embarrassing.

–Jamba Juice, 5th & 23rd

Overheard by: oliver tomorrow

Such a Good Boy

Mom: Honey, you better behave while you stay at Daddy’s house this weekend.
Five-year-old boy: If he doesn’t buy me a new toy, I’m going to slice his sausage open!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Ashley

Jesus Plays the Race Card

Black guy: Here, this is for you, man, ’cause you look like Jesus.
Homeless guy: I thought Jesus was black!
Black guy, coming back: For that, my man, you get a dollar.

–55th & Broadway

Overheard by: Tony Jones