Archive for 2007

High Expectations Can Have Unintended Consequences

Kindly gent: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little kid: Retarded!
Kindly gent: Retarded?
Little kid: My grandpa is retarded, and he gets to play and watch TV all day!
Kindly gent: [Stunned silence.]
Kid’s mom, embarrassed: He means ‘retired.’
Little kid: Retarded! Retarded! Retarded! I wanna be retarded! [Starts to cry.]

–Washington & Water St

Just Slowly Back Away from the Terrifying Foreign Person

Barista: Sir, you can pay for the juice over there.
Middle-aged Brit: But I bought it.
Barista: No you didn’t.
Middle-aged Brit: Yes, I did — at another place.
Barista: Yeah, oookay [rolls eyes].
Middle-aged Brit: I really did.
Barista: Yeah, oookay.
Middle-aged Brit: What the fuck is your problem?
Barista: Well, you just stole juice, and you’re being an ass, so you can leave now.
Middle-aged Brit: Excuse–
Old lady Brit: –Alexander, just stop talking! He could shoot you!

–Starbucks, Fashion District

Overheard by: only in new york