Archive for 2007

I Always Figured on Running a Barely Lethal Voltage through the Pleasure Center of My Brain

Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be!

–Bowling Green

Overheard by: Matt

I Smell Romantic Comedy Gold!

Nurse #1: Fuck, I hate Mr. Williams. That fucker won’t shut the hell up. Every time he’s here he wants me to be his nurse.
Nurse #2, laughing: Mr. Williams likes you.
Nurse #3: I don’t know why you’re laughing, Mary. At least she doesn’t have an 80-year-old dyke putting the moves on her.

–South Ward, Albert Einstein Hospital