Archive for 2007

Translation: I Tire of This Topic

Guido #1: I’m telekinetic. So are you. We all are!
Guido #2: What are you talking about?
Guido #1: Think about it! Look, I’m lifting my arm. What’s moving my arm?
Guido #2: Kinetic impulses to your muscles… Your brain.
Guido #1: Ah, but what’s telling my brain to lift my arm?
Guido #2: Your mother.

–7 train

Overheard by: Hipster #3

Tourists: What the Fuck?!

Old lady with heavy accent, pointing to closed store: What’s that?
Young lady: I’m not sure.
Old lady: Is that a pahwn shop?
Young lady, startled: No, that looks like a pawn shop…
Old lady: That’s what I said — a pahwn shop.
Young lady, relieved: Ohhh, I thought you said ‘porn shop’!
Old lady: No, I said ‘pahwn,’ not ‘pahwn.’
Young lady: Oh, you say them exactly the same!
Old lady: I do?
Young lady: Yeah! Say ‘aw.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: Now say ‘or.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: No, it’s orrr. With an R.
Old lady: That’s what I said — ‘ahw.’

–M20 bus, near 34th & 8th

Overheard by: trying not to laugh too hard

I Show Them

Chick #1 on cell: I mean, have you ever shaved your pussy and then a couple of nights later you can’t sleep because it itches so bad?
Chick #2: Um, hello, we can all hear you.
Chick #1 to #2: Well, has it ever happened to you?
Chick #2: Well, yeah, but I don’t tell the whole subway.

–F train

Overheard by: You have now

Actually, I’m Not. I’m Tired of Pretending

Girl #1: … So then she told me that I should get her socks. Do you really think that Jane* would want socks for Christmas?!
Girl #2: Socks are like the gift that people give when they hate you. Socks and soap!
Girl #3: Um, yeah… [Girls #1 and #3 look at each other.]
Girl #2: Oh, shit! I gave you socks for your birthday… Sorry about that.

–50th & Lex

How I Met Your Other Dad

Short guy, stepping on tall guy’s heel: Sorry.
Tall guy: Yeah.
Short guy: I said I was sorry!
Tall guy: What?
Short guy: I said I was sorry, alright?
Tall guy: Okay, whatever–
Short guy: –Well, say something, asshole!
Tall guy: Fuck off!
Short guy: What?!
Tall guy: Fuck off! Fuck off!
Short guy: Yeah, yeah…

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson