Archive for 2007

And the Nightmare

Turkish man: Miss, you are so lovely. Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Uh, sure.
Turkish man: You are so beautiful, I would suck on your father’s dick just to taste where you came from.
Girl: Uh… Thanks for the drink [leaves].

–Crash Mansion, 199 Bowery

Overheard by: The Riddler

That’s Okay — She Didn’t Mean It

Girl: I’m so glad you’re moving in with us.
Queer: Me, too. I was talking to my roommate the other day — the one I hate — and she was like, ‘I feel like once you move out I’ll never see you and we won’t hang out anymore.’ And I was just thinking, ‘Bitch, when I move out, you’re coming off my MySpace! You was just a pity add!’

–Central Park

Let’s Not Introduce the Spouses, Okay?

50-year-old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50-year-old woman: What was it, 1980? Somewhere around there?
50-year-old man: Remember that Frank Zappa concert we went to at Stonybrook in 1978?
50-year-old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, motherfucker? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tickets.
50-year-old man: Remember he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50-year-old woman: Sure!
50-year-old man: Well, I have a recording of that. I had a little tape recorder in my pocket and I taped the whole show.
50-year-old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, remember?
50-year-old man: Believe me, I remember it in every exquisite detail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape.

–Sardi’s

Overheard by: Big Larry