Archive for 2007

Explain How Cher Is Hot

Stoner: She’s so fucking hot because she’s Asian and she only goes by one name — Selena — so you know she’s hot. Like Madonna… Or Jesus… Or Gandhi… Or Cher.
Friend: Gandhi had two names, dumbass.

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Grandma’s Had the Bit in Her Teeth Before

Little girl looking at big, naked woman statue: She looks like me, but big!
Grandmother: Yes, yes she does.
Little girl looks at big, naked male statue: What’s that? It’s big.
Grandmother: Boy bits. They’re not usually that big.

–Columbus Circle Mall

Overheard by: Rama

Like We Do at Church

Old woman: You had an audition today?
Young woman: Yeah, for the Jerry Springer show. I sang ‘Mama Smacked Me on the Asshole.’

–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th

You Only Got Me Here with Promises of a Fellational Nature

Man: So what do you think of the name I-lizabeth?
Woman: It’s not I-lizabeth, it’s ‘Ilizabeth.’
Man: I know. Elizabeth with an I. That’s so stupid.
Woman: What business is it of yours what they name their baby?
Man: I’m here and I’m aware of it, so I’m voicing my opinion. Spelling a name wrong is stupid. I guess they think it’s cute, but it’s gonna be a burden on that kid her whole life.
Woman: Why don’t you just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself?
Man: Well, then don’t invite me to these fucking parties where people make their stupidity public.
Woman: Just do me a favor — eat and keep your mouth shut until you leave.

–Baby-naming party, E 34th & 2nd

Overheard by: Big Larry