Archive for 2007

I Learned How to Stand on a Corner and Pass Out Peepshow Flyers All by Myself

Latino trying to hawk a CD and pawn it to a latina: So, this isn’t my real job. I’m just doing this shit for fun.
Latina: Oh, what do you do?
Latino: … I’m in, like, marketing and advertising. Real professional shit.
Latina: Oooh, did you go to college?
Latino: Nah, I was already good at it.

–Flushing-bound 7 train

Overheard by: had to get an MBA to get good at it

Mare: Are You in Yet, Puny Human?

Outdoorsy woman: I raise horses on our farm in Kentucky.
Guy: Yeah? I saw this program on the Discovery Channel about artificially inseminating horses.
Outdoorsy woman: We do it the natural way.
Guy: Why do they do artificial insemination?
Outdoorsy woman: So that the stallion doesn’t have to travel. Also, you can inseminate numerous mares with one ejaculation.
Guy: I saw this guy stick his arm all the way up into the mare to inseminate her.
Outdoorsy woman: How did you like the size of the cock on the stallion?
Guy: Are you kidding? I want a transplant.
Waitress: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?

–Outback Steak House

Overheard by: Big Larry

As Soon As He Mentioned the Early Release Program

Rocker guy: I saw your dad on the news a couple weeks ago.
Cute girl: Yeah?
Rocker guy: Yeah. He was at the Capitol lobbying for increased funding.
Cute girl: Oh, for the youth detention center, right.
Rocker guy: I was masturbating at the time.
Cute girl, laughing: Are you fucking serious?!
Rocker guy: Yeah. I came immediately.

–Mikey’s Bar, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rachael