Archive for 2007

Mare: Are You in Yet, Puny Human?

Outdoorsy woman: I raise horses on our farm in Kentucky.
Guy: Yeah? I saw this program on the Discovery Channel about artificially inseminating horses.
Outdoorsy woman: We do it the natural way.
Guy: Why do they do artificial insemination?
Outdoorsy woman: So that the stallion doesn’t have to travel. Also, you can inseminate numerous mares with one ejaculation.
Guy: I saw this guy stick his arm all the way up into the mare to inseminate her.
Outdoorsy woman: How did you like the size of the cock on the stallion?
Guy: Are you kidding? I want a transplant.
Waitress: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?

–Outback Steak House

Overheard by: Big Larry

As Soon As He Mentioned the Early Release Program

Rocker guy: I saw your dad on the news a couple weeks ago.
Cute girl: Yeah?
Rocker guy: Yeah. He was at the Capitol lobbying for increased funding.
Cute girl: Oh, for the youth detention center, right.
Rocker guy: I was masturbating at the time.
Cute girl, laughing: Are you fucking serious?!
Rocker guy: Yeah. I came immediately.

–Mikey’s Bar, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rachael

Mommy’s Not Done Tucking, Honey

Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos?

–Restroom, MoMA

Overheard by: ChaChaCha

Two Kamikaze Shots and a Marlboro Light

Male coworker #1: … So she made 25 thousand dollars just for showing her tits.
Flashy blonde coworker pointing to her chest: Hey, for 25 thousand dollars they can have these tits.
Male coworker #2: How much just to look at ’em?

–Smith & Wollensky’s restaurant

Overheard by: Big Larry