Archive for 2007

The Student Has Become the Master

English teacher: We need nine groups. How many people are in there in this class? 26. So that’s nine groups with… Nine times three is 36. Times two is 18. Eight times four is 32. Times three is 24. So eight groups of three with one group of two. Count off. Okay, ones over there, twos over there, threes over there, fours over there, fives… Oh. Guys, why didn’t you catch this? I’m an English teacher for a reason!
Student #1: Why don’t you just group them in threes, like first set of three there…
Teacher: No, I wanted to mix you guys up. Alright, starting over, one to eight.
Student #1: One.
Student #2: Two.
Student #3: Three.
Student #4: One.

–Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

To Make Partying with Myself Easier

Uniformed school girl: Aunt Diane, Jennifer is waiting for you to come get her.
Aunt Diane: I’m coming here now to give her this fucking money so she can go to the party.
Uniformed school girl: Really?! Can I go to the party?!
Aunt Diane: Shiiit, go back to the apartment and party with your-fucking-self. Why do you have a hole in your fucking stockings?

–Outside a school

Overheard by: Carl

Can I Put My Laptop on Your Back?

Awkward NYU guy: So, last night I watched two movies.
Awkward NYU chick: Cool. By the way, what are you doing these next few nights? I need a night where I’m guaranteed to get laid.
Awkward NYU guy: Oh, well, tonight I have to do my writing the essay homework.
Awkward NYU chick: Sorry to be so blunt, but I just love how you’re always available.
Awkward NYU guy: Yeah, I’m like an RA — I’m always on call.

–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Emily

Why Kids Thrive in Day Care, Explained

Disgruntled mom #1: I told you kids to behave! I’m going to tell your father about this! No treats for you today, no treats! [To Disgruntled mom #2] They never listen to me.
Disgruntled mom #2: So, have you decided whether you’re going to go back to work instead of your husband?
Disgruntled mom #1, as one child shakes salt onto tables and licks it off: Well, we’ve talked about it. The problem is, I just don’t think my kids would get the same kind of attention and care.

–McDonald’s, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: paying more attention to her kids than she is