Archive for 2007

To Make Partying with Myself Easier

Uniformed school girl: Aunt Diane, Jennifer is waiting for you to come get her.
Aunt Diane: I’m coming here now to give her this fucking money so she can go to the party.
Uniformed school girl: Really?! Can I go to the party?!
Aunt Diane: Shiiit, go back to the apartment and party with your-fucking-self. Why do you have a hole in your fucking stockings?

–Outside a school

Overheard by: Carl

Can I Put My Laptop on Your Back?

Awkward NYU guy: So, last night I watched two movies.
Awkward NYU chick: Cool. By the way, what are you doing these next few nights? I need a night where I’m guaranteed to get laid.
Awkward NYU guy: Oh, well, tonight I have to do my writing the essay homework.
Awkward NYU chick: Sorry to be so blunt, but I just love how you’re always available.
Awkward NYU guy: Yeah, I’m like an RA — I’m always on call.

–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Emily

Why Kids Thrive in Day Care, Explained

Disgruntled mom #1: I told you kids to behave! I’m going to tell your father about this! No treats for you today, no treats! [To Disgruntled mom #2] They never listen to me.
Disgruntled mom #2: So, have you decided whether you’re going to go back to work instead of your husband?
Disgruntled mom #1, as one child shakes salt onto tables and licks it off: Well, we’ve talked about it. The problem is, I just don’t think my kids would get the same kind of attention and care.

–McDonald’s, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: paying more attention to her kids than she is