Archive for 2007

Your Best Option Is Just to Get Fat and Buy the Clothes

Teen #1: Sometimes I fantasize about having a baby with him just so I could be attached to him forever. In fact, last night I was looking on the Internet for when your most fertile days are… And mine is today.
Teen #2, laughing: Well, I definitely don’t ever want to get pregnant. Those nasty maternity clothes… Ew.
Teen #1: What?! I like the maternity clothes better than regular clothes!
Teen #2: Nah, fuck maternity!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Good, Now Move Your Head from Side to Side Like a Cobra

White woman: How did I testify?
Lawyer: Not too bad.
White woman: Tell the truth — I was terrible.
Lawyer: No, it’s just that he put a lot of words in your mouth.
White woman: I know.
Lawyer: You have to develop an attitude like a black woman. When he says, ‘So, what you’re telling me is…,’ you have to say, ‘Don’t be puttin’ words in mah mouf! I said this. Don’t be twistin’ mah words to say I said that.’
White woman, dismayed: I’ll try.

–Hallway, Civil Court, 111 Centre St

Overheard by: Big Larry