Archive for 2007

Good, Now Move Your Head from Side to Side Like a Cobra

White woman: How did I testify?
Lawyer: Not too bad.
White woman: Tell the truth — I was terrible.
Lawyer: No, it’s just that he put a lot of words in your mouth.
White woman: I know.
Lawyer: You have to develop an attitude like a black woman. When he says, ‘So, what you’re telling me is…,’ you have to say, ‘Don’t be puttin’ words in mah mouf! I said this. Don’t be twistin’ mah words to say I said that.’
White woman, dismayed: I’ll try.

–Hallway, Civil Court, 111 Centre St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Let’s Just Use the Mind-Control Device Again

Guy #1: So, I heard this blowjob technique that sounds pretty cool, but I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend without sounding pushy.
Guy #2: Well, maybe I could do it for you.
Guy #1: Dude… That’s gay.
Guy #2: No! I meant I could tell your girlfriend for you, not do it to you!
Guy #1: Oh… Well, that’s just awkward, then.

–A train