Archive for 2007

To Be Honest, I’m Just Friendsters with It

Teen girl #1: So, last night we were talking, and he still wants to put it in my ass… Like, how could I be with someone who only thinks about shoving his thing up my ass?
Teen girl #2: So what are you gonna do?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know! Help me!
Teen girl #2, puzzled: I thought you love anal sex?
Teen girl #1: Oh, yeah.

–S79 bus

Overheard by: rob l

Like Being Pummeled by Thousands of Tiny Penises

Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]
Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager.

–Brookstone, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one

It’s Enemas

Drunk girl: You’ve seen anal sex a million times in porn, but have you ever once seen shit on the guy’s dick? Or on the sheets?
Guy: Maybe they give the girls enemas first.
Drunk girl, draining glass: Well, they must give ‘em something, because in real life ass-fucking is a shitty business.

–Tony Awards after-party, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Big Larry