Archive for 2007

It’s a ‘Dude’ Nipple

Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: eating

I Have Never Known Where the Line Is

Dude #1: This one girl I hooked up with once made me choke her and shit when we fucked. She wanted to struggle, and I had to pry her legs open and hold her down. And she cried afterward.
Dude #2, laughing: Dude… Are you sure you weren’t raping this girl?
Dude #1, laughing: Man, fuck you. [Abruptly stops laughing, pales] … Fuck, man…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jane

Okay, Now We Know Why You’re Still Single

Chick #1: She got really upset with me for telling him that she got her wedding dress online.
Chick #2: Oh, I kind of understand that–
Chick #3, furiously: –What?! She can take his dick in her mouth, but she can’t tell him she got her wedding dress online?! She can put her face in his ass and not tell him she got her fucking dress online?!

–Pizza place near 5th Ave & DeGraw, Park Slope