Archive for 2007

One Wonders Why He Doesn’t Simply Represent Himself

Young black guy #1: Being a lawyer is a no-brain job. They don’t have to know nothing about nothing. Just stand there.
Young black guy #2: Yeah, but I’d like to be a lawyer. I don’t want to go to court or nothing, just have the title.
Young black guy #1: Most lawyers are worse than the criminals they defend.
Young black guy #2: So, what’s happening with your case?
Young black guy #1: It’s getting dismissed, or I’m pleading guilty or something.
Young black guy #2: Yeah?
Young black guy #1: God rest Johnnie Cochran’s soul.

–Food Court, Concourse Plaza, Bronx

Overheard by: Lawyer

It’s a ‘Dude’ Nipple

Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: eating

I Have Never Known Where the Line Is

Dude #1: This one girl I hooked up with once made me choke her and shit when we fucked. She wanted to struggle, and I had to pry her legs open and hold her down. And she cried afterward.
Dude #2, laughing: Dude… Are you sure you weren’t raping this girl?
Dude #1, laughing: Man, fuck you. [Abruptly stops laughing, pales] … Fuck, man…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jane