Archive for 2007

Wait, You Got Peeps?

Woman in self-scan lane, yelling at employee: These Peeps won’t scan!
Employee: Ma’am, please calm down. I can scan them in for you.
Woman: No, you know what? I don’t need the Peeps. I’ll take my Pepsi and forget the Peeps. Peeps not scanning… Ugh!
Employee, under her breath: Every fucking time this bitch is in here…

–Food Emporium

Overheard by: Meaghan

Are You Even in This Class?

Professor: … So metaphorically speaking, that’s why the descent into the subway is like going to Hell.
Student: That’s ridiculous.
Professor: Really? Why not? It’s very hot and sweaty down there, not to mention if you fall onto the tracks or touch the third rail, you’re dead.
Student: What’s wrong with being dead?

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: vic

Never Give Yeats’ Poetry to a Hobo

Crazy ranting hobo: Y’all need to get your shit together! You hear me, humans? Your shit is all outta whack! You’re all over the place like a bunch of crazy croutons and tomatoes in a crazy salad!
Man: Did that dude just call us croutons?

–A train

Overheard by: big fat crouton

That, Plus the Lab Test

Nerdy chick picking dirt off shoe with fingernail: I wonder how I got all this mud on my shoe…
Nerdy boyfriend: That’s not mud; that’s dog shit.
Nerdy chick, horrified: How do you know?!
Nerdy boyfriend: I saw you step in it on our way over here.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

This Performance Art Is Made Possible through the Support of Viewers Like You

Man: Is she serious? Is this broad serious?
Hipster chick who bumped into him: You talkin’ to me?
Man: Yeah, lady, I am talkin’ to you!
Hipster chick: Hey, buddy, as if your fat ass doesn’t bump into people everywhere you go.
Man: Well, actually, if my ass was half as big as yours, I bet it would!
Hipster chick: You only wish you had my ass.
Man: Yeah, you’re right. [Pauses, then gets noticeably calmer] Good thing you’re from New York or I’d have to kick you in the face.
Hipster chick: I’m not from New York. I’m from Toronto.
Man: Where is that, Antarctica?! Get outta my face!

–2 train, CPW

Overheard by: ginger balls