Archive for 2007

How I Met Your Other Dad

Short guy, stepping on tall guy’s heel: Sorry.
Tall guy: Yeah.
Short guy: I said I was sorry!
Tall guy: What?
Short guy: I said I was sorry, alright?
Tall guy: Okay, whatever–
Short guy: –Well, say something, asshole!
Tall guy: Fuck off!
Short guy: What?!
Tall guy: Fuck off! Fuck off!
Short guy: Yeah, yeah…

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

There’s an Itchy Redness in My Angina

Lady #1: The doctor has me on all kinds of medication for my STD.
Lady #2: Oh?
Daughter of lady #1: Mom, for the last time, it’s ‘SVT,’ not ‘STD.’ You have a heart condition, not a sexually transmitted disease.
Lady #1: Shit, I really have to stop getting those two things mixed up!

–E train

Just Don’t Try to Fill Them Up With Dirt

Bimbette daughter: So, you like, had to, like, grow corn and shit when you were little?
Old hippie father: Yeah, before I moved to Oregon. We had cows.
Bimbette daughter: Ewww! You had to milk cows?
Old hippie father: Yeah, but cows don’t help with household chores, though. Only crocodiles can do that.
Bimbette daughter: Word.

–Barnes & Noble

I Run the Hobo Gauntlet Every Day

Yuppie girl: I need to get an exfoliant. You know that weird rough patch on my face?
Yuppie guy: Yeah.
Yuppie girl: I had it for a few weeks and just realized it was dead skin cells.
Yuppie guy: Ew.
Yuppie girl: Yeah, I just thought it was dried spit.

–Whole Foods check-out line, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: bathed and exfoliated daily

If James Dean Were Still Alive Today

Man: Do you wanna ride in the sidecar of my motorbike? My son does that all the time. We go really fast!
Teen girl: Yeah, sure, I’d love to go in your pre-war sidecar. With a bit of luck, all my friends will see me with some crazy bald man and that will be the end of my life. No, thanks!

–The Village