Archive for 2007

And What, Exactly, Is She Remembering?

Lawyer #1: My wife bought the official Sopranos book.
Lawyer #2: Is it good?
Lawyer #1: Yeah, it has a lot of inside stuff about the cast and how the show was put together.
Lawyer #2: I’m gonna miss that show.
Lawyer #1: I read something really strange in that book though.
Lawyer #2: What?
Lawyer #1: You know Drea de Matteo, the chick who played Adriana?
Lawyer #2: Chris’s girlfriend, right?
Lawyer #1: Yeah. The book says that in real life she has the balls of one of her dogs in a glass jar full of preservative. She keeps it on display in her house.
Lawyer #2: What for?
Lawyer #1: How the fuck should I know? She says it’s to remember him by. What’s the matter, she couldn’t take a picture?

–Supreme Court, Kings County

Overheard by: Big Larry

What Passes for Altruism in New York City

Skinny girl: We should volunteer at an eating disorder clinic.
Friend: Yeah, that would be fun. And we’d be, like, helping people.
Skinny girl: But wait — if we volunteer there, what if we get influenced and change our beliefs about food and think that not being skinny is sexy?
Friend: No, that wouldn’t happen… It would be motivation, because you would think, ‘Wow, she’s skinner than me.’

–NYU Silver Center

No Vanity-Based Business Plan Can Fail in New York

Jamaican guy holding full length mirror: One dollar to look at yourself in the mirror! One dollar! I am the first to come up with this idea! Don’t steal it, or I’ll sue you… [He’s ignored.] Okay, first time is free! C’mon, first time free! Or gimme a quarter!
Laughing kid: Yo, what are you smoking, man?
Jamaican guy: I smoke blood! I don’t drink blood, I smoke blood!
Unrelated Jamaican girl: Why you so loud? Shut up already.
Jamaican guy: I’m sorry, ma. You’re so beautiful. I look at you, I just can’t believe how beautiful you are. How ’bout you gimme one dollar, look in the mirror?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sam McDermott

Explains the Outcome of Their Last Gubernatorial Election

Student: I think social deviance is relative.
Professor: That’s a good theory. Explain it.
Student: Well, if you’re a New Yorker and a stranger goes up to you and says hi, you’d be like, ‘Why the hell are you talking to me?’ But if you’re from California, you’d be like, ‘Oh, hey, this stranger is saying hi to me!’
Professor: That’s because everyone in California is perpetually on crack.

–Sociology, Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

So I Could Get an Authentic American Education There?

French exchange student, pointing at American flag on school: Why are there so many flags?
Host mother: Well, there are flags on public buildings, and that’s a public school.
French exchange student: Is it a good school?
Host mother: No.
French exchange student: Is it bad, like in the movie?
Host mother: Not that bad, but not good.

–Houston & 7th Ave South