Archive for 2007

Why You Gotta Remain That Way All Your Life?

Afro: Shit, nigga, you never heard of Serendipity’s?
Cornrows: Nah.
Afro: It’s a motherfucking ice cream parlor.
Cornrows: Like what? Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, they charge you up the ass and you’re surrounded by white people.
Cornrows: Like Häagen-Dazs?
Afro: Nah, it’s classy. Fool, don’t you know anything about class?
Cornrows: So it’s like Häagen-Dazs.
Afro: Damn, you ignorant.

–84th & Amsterdam

You Didn’t Have to Demonstrate It While Talking

Old male lawyer: You can’t just call the client and say, ‘Hello, you don’t know me, but I’m about to try your case.’
Young female associate: Why not? We’re in the same firm.
Old male lawyer: Let me try to explain this in terms that might make an impression on you. Imagine if you went to your gynecologist who you’ve been using for a long time, and while you’re lying there in the stirrups his new associate who you’ve never met walks in and sticks his fingers into you.
Young female associate, wide-eyed: I see what you mean.

–Civil Court, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

The Case for Forced Sterilization

Teen girl #1: I mean, anything is possible.
Teen boy: So, you mean I could punch somebody’s head off?
Teen girl #2: I don’t think so.
Teen girl #3: Hey, I’m sure it is possible.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, like, you could punch a baby’s head off!
Teen boy: I’m not talking about babies.
Teen girl #1: Well, I’m sure you could!
Teen girl #3: Yeah! Totally! ‘Cause, like, their heads are so big and their bodies are so small… It’d just be like: Boom! And they don’t have a head!

–Gloria Jeans, Staten Island Mall

For All the Wrong Reasons

Woman getting her watch fixed: Are you a Jew?
Watch kiosk guy: Yes.
Woman: Good! Very, very good! Wonderful!
Watch kiosk guy: Yes?
Woman: Yes! Very good! I’m a born-again Christian, and we love the Jews!

–Watch repair kiosk, Port Authority

Overheard by: I just like you cuz you have batteries!