Archive for 2007

Seems to Be a Whirlpool

Drunk chick #1: Oh my god, it’s sooo cold in here!
Drunk chick #2: I know! And I have to pee so bad! This is gonna take so long! There’s, like, an icebox where my twat used to be. There’s an icebox where my twat used to be!

–Bathroom, Tonic East

Usually There’s a Gruelling Application Process

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.
Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.
Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!
Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

–Diner, 51st & 9th

Overheard by: Rich

I Assume K-Fed Is Somehow Involved

Private school teen #1: So, did you understand what our Current Issues teacher was talking about with, like, that guy Dick Cheney and the speech he gave on NBC or something?
Private school teen #2: Oh, you mean that drag queen who spoke out against AIDS?
Private school teen #1: Yeah! I think that’s what she’s talking about.

–Union Square

Uncle Waltergeist

Old guy in group: So, I saw this special last night on hauntings, and there was this one segment that reminded me so much of stories my aunt used to tell us about growing up in Brooklyn. She says their house had a ghost that haunted their attic and–
Young guy, interrupting: –Oh, cool! Was it the kind of ghost that tips over furniture and rattles tea cups, or the kind that flips you over in your sleep and rapes you up your ass?
Group: [Palpable silence.]

–Central Park Lawn

That One Paid the Most

White guy: So, you are an artist now?
Weird-looking JAP: Yeah.
White guy: Weren’t you a musician just a month ago?
Weird-looking JAP: Yes.
White guy: What the fuck is going on?
Weird-looking JAP: I believe in this religion that asks me to experience my life with different professions.
White guy: So, what were you before you were a musician?
Weird-looking JAP: I was homeless.

–Houston & MacDougal

Overheard by: ting