Archive for 2007

I Found the Hole, Looked Inside and Found My Dignity, All Pale and Wrinkled

Coworker #1: Man, last night was a big night. I don’t even remember what happened after two. I woke up next to a half-eaten pizza.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I woke up next to a half-inflated blow-up doll. I had to submerge her in water in the morning to find the hole. –Bar, LES Headline by: like an albino shame-raisen Runners-Up:
· “Between Latex and Pepperoni Lies Inebriation. By Calvin Klein” – Dan
· “He Was a Sharp One.” – C-in-OH
· “Just Like When I Lost My Virginity, Except This Time I Didn’t Kill Her” – Silverfish
· “Pies and Dolls” – Mikkel Hundewadt-Jensen
· “Star Trek Convention: The Morning After” – nicky c.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Want the Epidural

JAP: Wait… So, does that mean I was pregnant? –Bloomingdales Overheard by: Alyson Leigh Ghetto chick on cell: I think it’s a bad idea to be friends with a girl who’s pregnant. It might just rub off on you! –M104 bus Overheard by: Derrick Jamaican queer to fag hag: You need to button that up or you gonna end up pregnant! –W 44th St Overheard by: Ivan Black guy to white man and white preggers wife: Yo, you got her all knocked up! –Washington Square Overheard by: phia Man saying good-bye to gal pals: Get pregnant! –Spring & Crosby Overheard by: Lillian

Wednesday One-Liners Are on the Lookout for Celebrities

Tourist chick: I thought I’d see people dressed up like Mary Kate and Ashley and a bunch of rude hippies. –9th St Overheard by: heroldo Tourist pointing to chairs in Rockefeller Center: I don’t know — they must be having an event or something, because usually you can ice skate here all year long! –Rockefeller Center Excited bimbette tourist: I thought the Atlantic ocean was bigger than this! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Spectre Tourist wearing fanny-pack: Look, a McDonald’s! Right here in the city! –42nd & 5th Overheard by: Nancy Excited tourist passing hobo: Now, that is a real street person! Did you get a chance to smell him? –31st & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners Love Pussy

Well-dressed lady to homely man: No, I have to go. I’m herding cats here. –Prince & Broadway Girl on first date: Yeah, and so sometimes I let my cat lick my nipples… –Outside Pratt Institute Black teen to her gaggle of pals: She has fuckin’ lupus, and her pussy smells like cat! –69th & 1st Overheard by: Erica Pretty girl: All the boys in New York have a broken heart… And a cat. –Court St, Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Ethan Man eating sandwich: This meat tastes like cat balls. This ain’t meatballs, it’s cat balls! It tastes like cat! –Subway restaurant, 23rd & Madison Overheard by: quickly losing my appetite Frat guy on cell: You’ll never guess what happened! Smoky came back! … Yeah, it’s good. He’s all like, ‘Meow, meow,’ and I’m all like, ‘Shut up!’ –Union Square Overheard by: Jess

Bluetooth Wednesday One-Liners

Chick yelling out window of hybrid SUV: I’m a better driver than you, and I’m texting at the same time! –Westside Hwy Overheard by: Glad I’m walking Black guy to no one in particular: Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? [Taps on cab window] Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? [To a little girl in stroller] Do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number? –58th & 9th Overheard by: Jofo Secretary-General of the model UN: Before we go, this phone was found in the bathroom — it’s a pink RAZR… It says ‘Stud muffin’ on it. –United Nations Crazy guy handing out Sprint flyers: Free camera phone! Soon you’ll be eating the robots! –Outside Sprint, Broadway & Washington Pl Overheard by: Deby Hipster girl, addressing iPhone campers: You’re waiting for a phone?! I can understand if it was for cupcakes… –Prince & Greene Overheard by: non-mac nerd

Wednesday One-Liners Have Anti-Game

I-banker: It’s not so much finding girls — there are girls all over the place. It’s more finding girls who will have sex with you. –52nd & 2nd Overheard by: NCS Dude on cell: Yeah, I got this boy here — he’s been celibate for two years. He likes Latin girls. Do you have any? –Tattoo parlor, 6th Ave, near W 4th Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Queer on cell: God, it’s like he’s so busy being transgender he’s got no time for sex anymore. [In a falsetto] Oh, call me ‘Meghan’ from now on. [Normal voice] Fuck that! I’m gay for a reason, you know? –13th & 6th Teenybopper: Ugh, I was such a prude in fifth grade. –Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope Overheard by: Ruby