Archive for 2007

Give Me Fifty CCs of Wednesday One-Liners, Stat!

Drunk girl: As it turns out, while I was away on vacation my husband had a vasectomy without me knowing about it… –12th & 5th, Park Slope Dressy guy: Instead of having my colonoscopy today, I think I’ll go to Valentine’s with you. –3rd & LaGuardia Woman on cell: So yeah, the surgery went great, and they saved my ovary. Yay! What? Of course I’m still on the pill! Do you think I actually want to use it? –Grand Central Overheard by: E Guy on cell: Yeah, she said it was a cyst and that I probably shouldn’t have tried to perform surgery on myself. –26th & Park Ave South Overheard by: Rose Fox NYU queer: So, are you getting some kind of penis enlargement today, or what? –Waverly & University

The Scandalous Scanties of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: I’m totally excited about getting out of the city and camping for the weekend… Yeah… Yeah… No, I packed like six pairs of underwear — there’s no way I’m going to run out like last time. –F train Overheard by: only in NYC JAP: Yeah, I lost my underwear there last night. –50th & 6th 80-year-old man on cell: I’m over in the lingerie department. I’m touching all the panties. –Macy’s, Herald Square Overheard by: Kate Melvin Drunk chick: She doesn’t even wear a thong! It’s like she’s a dude or some shit. –W 10th & Hudson Middle-aged man: So tell me, how do I unhook a bra? –Brooklyn Bridge Overheard by: Walking the bridge

Wednesday One-Liners’ Anatomy

Fat Latina: I remember just squatting over her and stuffing it in her face. –36th & Park Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Guy: It’s not the eyes in the back of the head, it the lack of a nose in the back of the head that’s the problem. –N train Overheard by: sara n. Chick: My ovaries popped, and he’s giving me shit for it. –Queens Blvd & Continental Ave Overheard by: Jacquie Guy on cell: They need new feet… I don’t know, to walk on! –7th & 4th, Brooklyn Chick: A uterus seems like a fun place to be! –57th & 2nd Overheard by: Sally S. Man on cell: Baby, you are the only one who has seen my body! You are the only one who has seen my body! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: bildita Chipper, early-20s redhead to blonde: Open your ears, woman! Do I have to use my tail?! –116th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Are All Over the Map

Lesbian: Bitch, you better shut the fuck up before I go Park Slope on your ass! –1 train Aging khaki preppy: That’s Strawberry Fields? It looks so… East side. –Strawberry Fields Overheard by: turd on the run Lady tourist: A gay bar — I think it was in Chelsea. Is there a gay bar in Chelsea? –Metro-North Riverdale station History buff: Before taxis, there was no Upper West Side. –12th & 1st Lady: It’s sort of an ugly day today in Williamsburg. Other days it’s like ripe fruit hanging from the man tree… –McCarren Park Queer: This is Chelsea. There’s cum on the floor everywhere! –19th & 8th Overheard by: Prem

Wednesday One-Liners Sink Their Teeth In

Secretary in stall, to another: I told her that in this position she has to wear her teeth in. You can’t go around here with no teeth in your mouth. –Office restroom, Midtown Overheard by: Anonymous Law Firm Employee Woman on cell: What? Turn your hearing aid up! Put your teeth in! I can’t understand you! –Prince & Broadway Guy to girlfriend: Hey, babe, I gotta run to the interview. Can you check my teeth for hairs? –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Guy Saucy Latina: She has the hair of every dental hygienist I’ve ever known. –Penn Station Overheard by: McFreaky Girl on cell: What?! You haven’t showered in a day? At what time? Pedro Miguel*, that is nasty! Your balls must be sweaty and stinky. Smell your underwear… Have you even wiped them with a baby wipe, at least? Have you at least brushed your teeth? You’ve brushed your teeth, but not showered? How is that not nasty?! –Bx12 bus Overheard by: SilentButDeadly Hobo: Does anyone have an extra toothbrush or two dozen eggs to spare? –Outside Gristede’s, UES Overheard by: no eggs to spare

Wednesday One-Liners Look Manly in Tights

Despondent hobo: Spider-Man is dead, mothafuckah. –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: Emily B. Earnest white girl: So, I’ve been thinking about it, and here’s what I’m picturing — dat ho is lyin’ flat on her stomach, and Superman is on top of her, but he has to maybe keep his arms out in front of him like he’s in flyin’ position… And it seems like maybe it would be easier to Superman a small person… I bet you could Superman a big girl. Yeah, definitely. –H&M, Soho Angry vendor in heavy accent, after police bust nearby: They just arrest him. They arrest everybody. They think they are Superman! –Greene St, Soho Overheard by: Rich Mintz Costumed guy: Two things you never do — you never pull Superman’s cape, and you never kick Spider-Man in the nuts! [To friend dressed as Spider-Man] You are wearing a cup, right? –13th & University Overheard by: theresa