Archive for 2007

From Sodom to SoHo

Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]
Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.

–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave


Headline by: Ryan


Runners-Up:
· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.
· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith
· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski
· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC
· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru
· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Like a Dog in Heat

Conductor: Hey, clear the closing doors, bitch.

–8th St

Chick on cell: So, how did your date go? Did she call the police on you this week? … Did she have you escorted out of her building this week? … No? Then why did you call me? You just wanted to tell me that? … Oh, you had a big fight? Was it because she’s a crazy bitch?

–225th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Eight-year-old boy to younger kid: If we were in prison you’d be my bitch!

–Hudson & Christopher

Overheard by: Talia

Black man: Went out, got that bitch some food. Bitch was hungry. Got her some food, took her out back, and she sucked my dick. Licked my balls. She’s only 21. Gonna marry that bitch.

–34th & 8th

Guy to buddy: No, it actually sucks because she’s a selfish bitch. She switched our cell phones because mine vibrates better… So she can get off in her cube.

–Hershey store, Times Square

Dude on cell: Well… Well, there’s groups of bitches. There’s, like, a group of bitches here… and a group of bitches there.

–Outside bar, 32nd & 4th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A Lone Bitch

Guy in full yellow suit with matching hat: I don’t get this girl. You know what I’m saying, ’cause you know I’m the nicest nigga to a bitch.

–Waiting for the L, Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners Check ‘In a Relationship’

Chick on cell: I always end up dating people whose names aren’t actually their names.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman on cell: There’s this guy I think is really hot. He’s gained some weight and lost his hair… but in a graceful way. No, no, nothing like that. He’s really nice and he’s so smart… Well, he drinks a lot.

–Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: MHY

Woman to friend: 2006 was a terrible year, but 2007 is gonna be better… No men in my life! But there’s this man at my job, and I’m trying to stay away from him, but I just can’t. From the moment I saw him… Whew! One day he said to me, ‘Girl, put your hand in my pocket, I got some lunch money in there for you.’ And I did it, and… Whew! I said, ‘I know what that is… That’s no lunch money… Let me feel it again.’

–F train

Overheard by: liza

Man on cell: If I can’t get an American Jewish woman to go out with me… then there must be something wrong with American Jewish women!

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Melanie

British chick to guy: I’m not breaking up with you in that sense…

–49th St, between 9th & 10th Ave

Overheard by: nyamelia

Hipster chick: … And I’m like, ‘I love you.’ And he’s like, ‘Get away from me.’ I think he’s just afraid of commitment.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Regina Deorum

Woman to friends: Who needs a boyfriend when you’ve got a dog who farts?

–Max Brenner, Broadway, between 13th & 14th

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Had Medical Insurance

Girl on cell, smiling and laughing: Maybe because he’s a cripple!

–Pavilion Movie Theater

Overheard by: Jamie F

Running tween girl to friend: I’m going to give you breast cancer, you idiot!

–Times Square

Yuppie woman on cell and pushing empty wheelchair: Honey, guess what? I’m not a paraplegic anymore! No, seriously! Isn’t that great?!

–12th & 3rd

Suit on cell: You shouldn’t feel bad for the boy who cried uterine trouble.

–A train

Overheard by: Sue

Woman to street vendor: That’s the problem with my inverted uterus…

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: BT

Genius holding her breath to cure hiccups: Oh my god, I hate the hiccups. I mean, seriously. The hiccups are the most annoying thing ever. Like, if I had the choice of having cancer or the hiccups, I would choose cancer. I mean, I know people who’ve had cancer, and the hiccups are way more annoying.

–N train

Overheard by: jessica

Jersey chick to friend, after denying deaf panhandler: I mean, if he were missing a limb or something, that would be one thing…

–NJT train from Penn Station

Overheard by: gotta draw the line somewhere

Wednesday One-Liners for Michael Douglas

Gleeful girl to friend: Hey, do you like child trafficking?!

–Union Square

Overheard by: NYCtrippedmyconscience

Hobo sitting on ground cleaning a trumpet, to hot lady passerby: Hey, don’t fucking look at me — I’m too old for you!

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Outlaw

20-ish chick on cell: I only fucked that scum-sucking man-whore because my ex was fucking an 18-year-old.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teacher with group of kids on field trip: It’s so hard to find a tall, skinny senior boy.

–C train

Overheard by: ej

Teen girl: Yeah, Renata can totally pull off pedophilia.

–C train

Overheard by: sarah

Wednesday One-Liners for Kings County

Scholar: Brooklyn is the Paris of New York.

–Grand Army Plaza Station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ivel

Crazy: Fuck Brooklyn! I can pay for Brooklyn on any other day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not going to Brooklyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wherever we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you people. Except you, Jew. I love you.

–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Nash Astor

Girl: I just don’t like living in Brooklyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.

–Tenacious D album signing, Virgin Megastore

Guy: Sobriety is my back, I am the camel, and Brooklyn is the straw.

–A/C/E subway platform, Lower West Side

Overheard by: Magaret

Lady: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brooklyn in there.

–15th St & Union Square West

Wednesday One-Liners Watch Oz

Woman to friend: It just wasn’t what they imagined when they dreamed of going to jail.

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: MK

LA bimbette to another: I think, like, everyone I know has been arrested. I mean, like, who hasn’t been charged with a drunk and disorderly at least once?

–R train

Chick to friend: Yeah, he got a lot of gold chains, but that’s an investment… That’s bail.

–Bus, Port Authority

Guy leaving subway: Hey, baby, I’m home! One more day and I’m not in jail!

–Subway entrance, 125th St

Overheard by: Leaving Harlem

Teen thug: Man, I never had to spend Valentine’s Day with my mom… If her boyfriend wasn’t in jail she wouldn’t be bothering me.

–Eastern Pkwy Library

Chick to boyfriend: So, that’s what you learned in prison?

–Central Park