Archive for 2007

Nobody Ever Is

Slacker chick in Heidi haircut, Mao cap and gas station jacket: What really pissed me off was we were fooling around one night and he was texting another girl. I’m, like, sitting there naked, ready to do whatever, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about wanting to eat out my asshole, and then he does that.
Slacker dude: I guess he wasn’t really ready to get everything he wanted.

–Raccoon Lodge, TriBeCa

Overheard by: Nic

But That’s a Cocktail Stirrer

Girl #1: Here, take it.
Girl #2: I really don’t think this is necessary…
Girl #1: But you missed your period. And you’re all pukey. Don’t you want to know?
Girl #2: But I don’t think I am.
Girl #1: Well, I can’t date him until we know he’s not your baby daddy!
Girl #2: Start dating him! It’s fine. I don’t think I am!
Girl #1: Will you just pee on the fucking stick?!

–Bathroom, bar, Williamsburg

Reparations Are a Lot Cheaper Than They Used to Be

Old black man #1: I’m gonna go get a Post.
Old black man #2: A brotha reading the Post? Oh, man…
Old black man #1: Man, it’s only 25 cents. And it’s got page six!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Jill

Headline by: Dave

· “Hahaha…wait…black people? READING?” – pants
· “I always sleep under that one” – Mike B
· “Judge me not by the color of my skin but by the content of my paper” – nyinsf
· “That’s the quilted page” – N. A. Cargo

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

A Hundred Dollars a Minute? That Better Be Freud Himself

Crazy guy to wife at front of bus: Fucking therapist fucking charges me three hundred dollars for three fucking minutes. Fuckers are trying to take my money!
Drunk guy at back of bus: Shut up! Stop cursing! There are kids on the bus.
Crazy guy to wife: I take you out to dinner, and you don’t even want to fucking go anywhere?! Why the fuck do I put up with you?!
Drunk guy: Shut up! There are womenfolk on the bus.
Crazy guy: You shut the fuck up. You think I’m not fucking dumb but I’m not. [His wife starts hitting him.]
Drunk guy: Shut up! That’s what my two-year-old boy says — ‘Shut up’! Hahahaha.
Lady laughing on cell: Are you guys gonna still be at the bar? … Excellent!

–Bx10 bus

Overheard by: LSB

Mine’s in a Secret Abdominal Compartment

Asian princess: #1: You know what’s annoying?
Asian princess: #2: What?
Asian princess: #1: When, like, people carry, like, two bags.
Asian princess: #2: Oh my god, I know! Like, when they have their school bag and then their coach bag…
Asian princess: #1: Totally! It’s like, sooo annoying.
Asian princess: #2: Yeah! That’s why I put my bag in my school bag.

–Q11 bus