Archive for 2007

Oh! The Fucking Places You’ll Go!

Conductor: Everything’s running normal this weekend.
Black woman: Everything runnin’ normal this weekend? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ anywhere!

–Q train

Overheard by: office peon

Headline by: Marc

· “Alice in Wonderland, New York Style” – Anastasia Poushkareva
· “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” – ad neal
· “I Meant My Colon” – I Got Real Mail
· “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lonely world…” – karaoke queen
· “Transfers available to up your ass and go fuck yourself.” – mark manne
· “Why Reading Rainbow and drugs don’t mix” – mike

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Do It in the Road

Conductor, leaning out window to couple making out: Get a room!

–Canal St station

Overheard by: simon

Eerily calm guy: You fucked me. You fucked me in Midtown.

–48th & 5th

Overheard by: Nick Draven

Hot dog vendor, about girl moaning on cell: They’re having sex on the corner, people! Don’t look!

–Main St & 38th Ave, Queens

Drunk girl to kissing friends: You know, we can, like, find a place for you to make out.

–Prince St

Sorostitute: I had sex right there.

–64th & 5th

Wednesday One-Liners Support the Repeal of the Estate Tax

Filthy rich lady: Darling, you must get a private jet. We just don’t fly commercial anymore.

–Armory Art Show, 66th & Park

Saleswoman: Well, you can’t really compare a 16-hundred-dollar haircut to a 15-dollar one.

–C.O. Bigelow, 9th & 6th

Overheard by: Joey Gillis

Yuppie teen in wheel: Dude, we should totally start hanging out with public school kids. Not the ghetto ones, but, like — you know, the cool ones.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Eri

Little brat: But Mo-ooom, seven hundred dollars is not that much for a pair of shoes!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Maddi

Old suit: You should really make at least a hundred grand a year to live in Manhattan. You know, la crème de la crème . And if you can’t deal with that you should move to Jersey City with the Indians and the Asians.

–Theatre lobby

Sorority girl: No, it’s not like that. It’s just, like, he’s from Greece… And there’s, like, not a lot of rich people there…

–13th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

Old lady employee : Oh, I want to be adopted by a nice rich family!

–F.A.O. Schwartz

Overheard by: fao

Wednesday One-Liners: Picky, Bruised, but Hopeful

Charmer on cell: Yeah, man. I mean, I kind of like her. I’m not that crazy about her kids, but I think I’m going to keep seeing her. Her apartment’s in a really great location.

–Outside Central Bar, 9th & 3rd

Hipster chick: Sometimes I think finding a boy to be bitchy to is just as good as finding a boyfriend.

–F train

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Tough girl to friend: I’ve decided you need to be with a hard guy.

–M16 bus, near Waterside

Overheard by: inothernews

Wannabe thug on cell to girlfriend: Look, I gotta be single. All I wanna do is get money, stay fresh, dress fly, and fuck bitches.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Me Too

JAP: I would never date anyone who lives in a borough.

–122nd & Broadway

Overheard by: guarquez sanchez

Dad to depressed 13-year-old girl: Remember — friends are forever, boys are whatever.

–106th & Madison

Overheard by: Laura

Chick on cell: Yeah, so everything’s good, but I don’t think I’d go out with him again.

–Outside Church of the Incarnation, 35th & Madison