Archive for 2007

I Love Dick, I Just Wish I Liked Yours

Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square


Headline by: Tosser


Runners-Up:
· “As long as it gets the poo off my ass, I’m happy” – Jim C.
· “But I have a nice set of Hemingway coasters.” – Sarah K
· “But get enough of them together, you have one hell of a fort.” – DJR
· “I just like to judge them by their covers” – Peter
· “It’s goal number 2, right after learnig to color inside the lines” – kristen




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Take Flight

Hobo to girl on cell: Marry me! [Girl shakes her head.] Chicken!

–8th & Broadway

Black guy on cell: You ain’t no spring chicken, and you ain’t no Donald Trump. You gotta be considerate. You gotta stick it inside that girl.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Barbara

Black guy to stubborn pigeon: Bird, don’t think I won’t fuck you up.

–61st St

Overheard by: bill r

Lady: She could be humping a chicken for all I care…

–1 train

Overheard by: ChiChi

Blonde: She is the last person that should be allowed to live next to a rooster.

–W 45th & Broadway

Overheard by: MW

Wednesday One-Liners with Botched Cosmetic Surgery

Lady suit: What are you gonna do about it? What are you going to do about the post-modernism on my forehead?

–Starbucks, The Villiage

Girl on cell: No, no… I don’t think you understand — my hips are two different sizes! You don’t know what this is going to do to my self-esteem.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: i should have gone to harvard

Chick on cell: … Yes, it’s coming out of my abdomen…

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Tyler

Wifey to hubby, looking at statue: They got the knees just right! You know how I’ve been looking at my knees a lot?

–The Met

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Skinny tween boriqua: Yo, I’m gonna take all the fat from my stomach and put it on my ass.

–231st & Broadway

Overheard by: KK

Hot chick: Well, you don’t have arm testicles.

–East Houston St, near BHSEC

MTA lady to another: She got a lot o’ heart for a pussy!

–4/5/6 train underpass, 59th St

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Idols of Millions of Suburban White Boys

Thug to friends: Look, whatever, but I have never found myself with a girl who has no face.

–Columbia University

Thug: Yo, I got a huge blunt in my pocket… Oh, wait, that’s my inhaler.

–Q train

Overheard by: djingo

Thug: Fuck that. Fuck that, nigga! If Bill Gates offered me 20 billion dollars to suck his cock, I’d swallow. Fuck.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: I would, too.

Thug athlete, after soccer game: You always be playin’ that shit. You play that shit here, you play that shit in basketball, you play that shit in choir…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: this guy

Thug on cell: I don’t know where I was, but they’s Germans everywhere in this hood! They on my left, right. Damn! [Looks around anxiously] Now I know how Patton felt, son!

–14th & Driggs

Teen thug to friend: Yo, man, have you looked at a map of Manhattan? Know what that shit looks like?!

–W 79th

Overheard by: Nikki W.

Wednesday One-Liners for Gene Simmons

Woman holding small dog: Kiss him. His mouth smells like poopie.

–9th St & Ave A

Drunk chick: I kissed Kaitlyn on the tongue, and now I have herpes in my mouth.

–Outside The Grand, 58th St

Conductor: To the individual outside kissing the train: Please stop.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dan

Girl: But he didn’t even kiss me at the club! We didn’t kiss until the hospital, and it wasn’t even a real kiss. I kissed him and he didn’t kiss me back.

–Café, Union Square

Professor: Like I told you, kiss my white ass!

–NYU