Archive for 2007

Oscar Wilde’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: I’d make out with Joshua* for non-gay reasons.

–Forest Ave, Staten Island

Overheard by: lol

Professor: A bar is not always a bar. You walk into a gay bar and you’ll see it’s not your ordinary bar. In ordinary bars men get excited and yell at the television. In gay bars men get excited, yell at each other, and hold hands!

–Freshman writing class, NYU

Overheard by: elle woods-chelseahuckabay

Professional queer to friend: It’s my mission to bring gay to everything, including bullet points.

–Urge, 2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: John

Queer: The Tony Award nominations were announced this morning, and now Jerry Falwell is dead. It’s such a great day to be gay!

–Union Square

Man: Yeah, we had the baby. Then I told her I was gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kathleen

Thug on cell: The problem is that I have a faggy face! My face is just too faggy!

–42nd, between Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: Kitty

Suit: I love you, man! If I were gay, you’d be the first ass I’d bang.

–Houston & 6th

Overheard by: JEI

These Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Run

35-ish lady to friend: I don’t even have anything in my mouth, and I still feel American.

–Smith & President

Ferry captain: Welcome to the United States. All crew members please report for docking…

–Manhattan-bound ferry

Overheard by: wondering where we were before…

Female writing professor: No, keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind. This is America, people — don’t be crazy.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Nina

Chick: Bleeding to death? Brain damage? I’m leaning towards gangrene. That’s just so all-American, Oregon Trail, you know? If he’s in this country, he’d better be ready to die like it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michelle

Professor: Brooklyn is not part of Long Island the same way New York is not part of America. We’re not in America right now.

–NYU

Overheard by: And Staten Island doesn’t exist.

Boricua thug: So I say, ‘Why you be poopin’ on the shirts of America?’

–5th Ave

Wombsday One-Liners

Woman holding large ice cream, to man: You don’t know what it’s like to menstruate! You have no idea!

–Lafeyette & Astor Pl

Overheard by: I have some idea

Newspaper guy: It’s just like when I was selling tampons to Alicia Silverstone. I was like, ‘Is this my life?’

–34th & Broadway

Chick to friends: I think my mom is going through menopause. She wants to move to Colorado.

–St. John’s University, Queens

Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let’s get out of here already.

–Duane Reade

Well-dressed Indian man shouting at woman: You don’t need no fucking tampons! Tampax — that’s a tampon! Tampax is the fucking mafia!

–2 train

Overheard by: Still Confused