Archive for 2007

You Go Ahead and Feel Bad, Though

Father: They’re really promoting Paul McCartney at Starbucks.
Tween son: One of my friends said it sucks that John Lennon was shot instead of Paul McCartney. I felt bad when he said it.
Father: That’s a horrible thing to say… But your friend was right.

–Starbucks, 8th St

Fuck the Contest. I’m Joining That Gym!

Workout girl #1: It feels so sticky when I put it on my lips.
Workout girl #2: That’s why you don’t stick your fingers all the way inside it.

–Synergy Gym, Astoria

Overheard by: Wog

Headline by: Rocks N Socks

Runners-Up:
· “How to Eat a Bowl Of Ice Cream Without a Spoon” – Karl

· “Life Without a Toilet Plunger…” – Jackster
· “Oh Cum On!” – Mike
· “The Rim Is All You Need…” – Steph
· “Winnie The Pooh Had The Same Problem With His Honeypot” – Sticky Thump


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners, As Seen in Playbill

Twenty-ish girl exiting theater: Ugh… It’s like getting out of prison…

–Stage door for Mary Poppins, 41st St

Angry old lady: You shouldn’t have to be distracted by all these ideas when you’re watching a play.

Cymbeline, BAM

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Mother to child eating pizza: Eat your cereal! Do you know why I said, ‘Eat your cereal’? Because it’s a line in Mommy’s play.

–105th & Broadway

Shocked lady fanning herself after first act of Spring Awakening: Well, that certainly wasn’t Cats.

–O’Neill Theater

Overheard by: sjp

Girl on cell: Wait, she quit her job to come see the show?

–Rush line for Spring Awakening

Overheard by: hope she gets tickets

Blue-haired person to another: I didn’t care for it, but the Asians will love it!

Sweet Charity showing, Al Hirschfeld Theatre

Overheard by: Robert

Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Flicker Pictures

Guy to L. Ron Hub-tards: So, if I sign up with you, how long do I have to offer people stress tests before I become a movie star?

–Union Square

Gangsta teen: Yeah, A Clockwork Orange. You seen that shit? They taped his eyes open and made him watch rapes and shit. I would have ripped that shit off my eyes, man — fuck that. I’d blink my motherfucking eyes regardless.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I do, too

Hipster: Actually, I don’t watch movies. I watch films.

–The Village

Blonde: Wasn’t Newsies a documentary?

–Deluxe, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: McFreaky

Queer on cell: So, it’s not just like one of those regular bestiality films…

–E 9th & 1st

Movie buff: Yeah, I thought Seabiscuit was a good movie until I realized it was about a horse.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: pokemaul2k4

Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted Boys to Like Them

Lady bus driver on cell: Tell everybody in Intelligence they can all get their dicks sucked.

–West-bound crosstown bus,14th St

Overheard by: Kate

Man on cell: Having your dick sucked poorly for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck your girlfriend can be fun in moderation, but after a while it just gets old.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Still laughing

Guy with chick: All I know is I have two finals, she’ll give me a blowjob to relax me, and I’ll go home and take a nap.

–A train

Woman on phone: So, I was given 30 minutes for pizza, right? And I leave my office, look over, and she is sucking his fucking dick.

–Target

Overheard by: Jooshua

Hipster: Yeah, like five tranny vampires sucked my dick within 10 minutes of walking into that place.

–Beauty bar

Straight guy: Yeah, I think I’d suck Jabba the Hut’s dick.

–Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Karin

Wednesday One-Liners Comix and Stories

Ghetto guy: It’s a bird; it’s a plane; it’s Super Vagina!

–Prince & Mercer

Overheard by: office peon

Little boy to dad: I have a secret identity.

–116th & Broadway

Hobo: Did you know Batman and Robin are in the Bible? Yeah, gays in there — they were so busy being gay that the blacks wrote the Bible… And by the way, you can find O.J. Simpson in there, too.

–40 bus, Bronx

Woman on cell: What I was thinking was Spider-Man would show up for just one hour, and he’d officiate the wedding.

–Joralemon St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: jill

Lawyer on cell: I have so many arch-nemeses…

–Law firm lobby, Midtown

Overheard by: I hope I’m not one of them