Archive for 2007

She’s Working Her Way through My Address Book. Today She’s on the Ds.

Girl #1: Hey, how’re you doing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you–?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You’re a fucking bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex-girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye. –Starbucks, 4th & University Overheard by: Chitin

Headline by: David Terrenoire

Runners-Up:
· “Girl, Interrupted” – Cooper Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my penis was in your vagina….” – ryan
· “Lucky to only get half the clap in return” – Brian A
· “Maybe Because You Still Have Me on Speed Dial After 3 years?” – Bobita
· “When Alibis Attack” – Barry Negrin
· “When you dump someone, you’re dumping everyone they’ve ever dumped.” – Ed Maudlin
· “You also might want to check on the pet rabbit” – will1966


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sure He Shits in a Box and Pukes on the Rug, but That’s Predictable

Woman #1: I just come home to problems.
Woman #2: I come home to everything nice.
Woman #1: No, I just have problems. It’s always problems with him!
Woman #2: My cat is just right there, and he’s always fine and doesn’t complain, and that’s why I just love having a cat instead.

–Pine St & William St

Overheard by: why i don’t have a cat

For Wednesday One-Liners, Sexy Never Went Away

Teen boy: I really think that in Dracula the vampire dude is trying to bring the sexy back to England.

–F train

Overheard by: Mike N

Conductor: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor. It seems that many of you enjoy cramming into this train as if there is not another one directly behind us. But I understand, for I am a very sexy conductor, and everyone wants to be on my train. If you do, please stand clear of the doors. Thank you.

–6 train, 59th St

Overheard by: Katey

Girl: That was a sexy garbage can…

–Stuyvesant High School

Little boy in stroller: I’m bringing sexy back!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: sarah B

Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear!

–Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn

Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?!

–Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park

Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard!

–Blockbuster

Overheard by: Abram

Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing

Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?!

–48th St & Madison

Overheard by: Micaela

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their iPods on and Their Eyes Focused on the Floor

Drunk Yankee fan: Oh, god. I need to get to Tarrytown, and there isn’t even a fucking steering wheel on the goddamn train!

–Train from Penn Station

Overheard by: tourist…

Automated female voice finishes announcing the stop.

Toddler: This is 23rd Street — Union Square! Transfers available to the S, L, N… The S! S, L, and N trains! Stand clear of the closing doors!

–6 train at 23rd St

Overheard by: vic

Woman to daughter: The Subway Lord might come through and kick you off.

–R train

Toddler quivering with fright: Oh, no, Mommy. Oh, no. Oh, dear… Oh, dear… Oh, dear. The train’s coming, Mommy. It’s coming. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no! Mommy! It’s coming, Mommy! Oh, no, Mommy! Mommy! It’s coming. It’s coming! It’s coming, it’s coming! Ahhh!

–6 train station, 77th St

Overheard by: BJ

Black guy opening engineer’s door after 15 minutes of standstill: Yo, move this shit, or I’ll drive it myself!

–Canarsie-bound L train

Woman wedged into middle of packed car: Just another day in paradise.

–1 train, rush hour

Wednesday One-Liners Come under Fire from the FCC

Girl on cell: I have that freshly fucked feeling.

–The Gap, Bensonhurst

Lady on cell: Do you remember the guy who used to be in Grand Central all the time? The one with the doll… The doll he would fuck. He and the doll would do a fuck dance. He had it strapped to him at all times.

–Outside NYU dorm, E 14th St

Overheard by: college graduate

White trash gas station attendant: Life got a lot easier once I decided not to give a fuck.

–233rd St & Jerome Ave

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Suit to another: Whatever, it’s New York. I’m expecting to get told ‘F-you’ like 17 times.

–LaGuardia airport

Overheard by: Raja

Ghetto girl licking fingers and lips after consuming hot dog: Mmm, girrrl… I fucked that hot dog up!


–Mercer and W. 4th


Dude: Ma… Ma, I only used the F-word once, Ma. I’m fucking serious here.

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Tourist from Canadia

Little boy shouting to friend across the street: I just learned how to say ‘Fuck’!

–Irving & Greene, Bushwick

Overheard by: Andy