Archive for 2007

Ow — Fuck!

Dude: You’re such a slut!
Chick: How does leaving town make me a slut?
Dude: Uh, I was talking about your door-to-door nut-slapping service.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Danielle is hot!

I Know a Couple Kids Getting a Razor-Blade Twix This Halloween

Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman’s out of earshot] Bitch.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

Look at Andy Kaufmann

Theater buff #1: So, do you think Michael Richards is a racist?
Theater buffs #2 and #3: Yes.
Theater buff #4: Nah.
Theater buff #1: Why not?
Theater buff #4: Because he’s a comedian and he yelled it on stage at a heckler. Racists don’t yell ‘nigger’ during a stand-up act in a comedy club. Racists yell ‘nigger’ when they’re driving a pickup truck dragging a chained-up black man behind them. People don’t fucking understand that a comedy improv can go horribly wrong!

–Sardi’s

Overheard by: Big Larry

That’s a Television, Mr. President.

Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!

–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave

Headline by: nick

Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Never Leaves the House

Guy #1: It’s too bad what that stingray did to Steve Irwin, but it was just an unpreventable accident.
Guy #2: Unpreventable?! He shoulda stayed in the fuckin’ boat!

–Kevin St. James Bar, 8th Ave

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer