Archive for 2007

Funny, I Thought It Was Kiss-Off Time

Girl #1: I see them. They’re waiting for us. Do you think they can see us?
Girl #2: Oh, no, he’s calling me! What do I do? I’m not answering. Let’s just wait for them to leave.
Girl #3: Didn’t he say there was going to be a group of them? There’s only three.
Girl #2: I know! And his friend isn’t even there. He said he was coming. He said he was going to give my number to his friend, too. He totally scumbagged him! We’re not going over there.
Girl #1: At least we are warm.
Girl #2: They’re wearing khakis. This guy is so sneaky.
Girl #3: They’re coming this way!
Girl #1: They’re coming in!
Girl #2: Oh, shit! What do I do?! This guy is such a loser. I know it’s mean, but what he’s doing is f’ed up. His friend was standing there when I gave my number. He was really cute and funny. [Ducks as guys enter.]
Girl #1, whispering: They’re headed over here.
Girl #2: Hey! How are you? We were just on our way over!
Creepy guy: Hey, thought you weren’t coming. It’s hug time! Get over here!

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: L.C.

Ow — Fuck!

Dude: You’re such a slut!
Chick: How does leaving town make me a slut?
Dude: Uh, I was talking about your door-to-door nut-slapping service.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Danielle is hot!

I Know a Couple Kids Getting a Razor-Blade Twix This Halloween

Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman's out of earshot] Bitch.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

Look at Andy Kaufmann

Theater buff #1: So, do you think Michael Richards is a racist?
Theater buffs #2 and #3: Yes.
Theater buff #4: Nah.
Theater buff #1: Why not?
Theater buff #4: Because he’s a comedian and he yelled it on stage at a heckler. Racists don’t yell ‘nigger’ during a stand-up act in a comedy club. Racists yell ‘nigger’ when they’re driving a pickup truck dragging a chained-up black man behind them. People don’t fucking understand that a comedy improv can go horribly wrong!


Overheard by: Big Larry