Archive for 2007

Thanks, Dad.

45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.

–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St

Headline by: Snark Sloper

· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1″ – Works For Me

· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27″ – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky
: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem

· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Take the Dirt-Road Detour

Teacher: No butt-fuck guys, no butt-fuck.

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: citysnidget

Hot chick: … And so I was thinking, You’re thinking about my brother while you’re fucking my ass? No response necessary.

–32nd & Broadway

Cuban guy to Russian girl: All Russian girls I’ve ever met love anal sex. No, seriously, they are all into that shit — and pomegranate.

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Asmar

Jock: … And he was sodomizing a jaguar.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: impossible

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Part of Your Complete Breakfast

Exhausted executive: Woman, I am telling you — it is Friday, and what I’m saying to you is, all I need is some alcohol and some stuffed mushrooms. Do you hear me?

–Grand Central

Old lady, screaming: It’s not the quiche, Harry, it’s the whole seven years!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Rowanhood

Creepster: I’d like to spread Jessica Fletcher and Rose Nylund on a cracker and down ‘em with a shot of Ensure!

–81st & Madison

Man: I don’t trust upstate food anymore.

–Cab line, JFK

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Budding entrepreneur: You mean, I can copyright the sandwiches I make? Put them in an envelope and mail them to myself?

–Stanton & Attorney