Archive for 2007

I Like to Think of My Sex Life As a Christian Charity

Queer: So, I was on a date with this guy, Christian — like the religion — the other night, and we had a nice hug and kiss goodbye. Then he went down into the PATH train. Right after he left, my phone started ringing and it said Christian was calling, and I was like, ‘What? How’s he calling me?’ And then I realized it was Cristian, C-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, this other guy I hooked up with a few months ago. So I answered and we ended up hooking up again that night… So, I had two Christians in one night. If this were ancient Rome, I’d be the lion in the Colosseum. –Posh bar Overheard by: Melissa Berry

But, Most Importantly, I Bought an IPhone

Guy #1: I haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?
Guy #2: Well, I’m in the process of switching web hosts, and it’s going to be saving me a few bucks a month. I just need to decide what Linux distribution to use. What about you?
Guy #1: I got married and we had a baby.
Guy #2: That’s cool. –Office, Midtown

Wait… a Squirrel?

Drunk guy: You know, in my next life time I want to be either reincarnated into a squirrel or into a tiny Mexican.
Drunk girl: What?! Why a tiny Mexican? Why not a tiny Asian or Caucasian?
Drunk guy: ‘Cause tiny Mexicans are awesome! They’re always funny, fit into small places, they work their asses off, and I can grow a cool mustache and get away with it! Why wouldn’t you want to be a tiny Mexican?! –53rd & 9th Overheard by: Javier Headline by: R. Dilla Runners-Up:
· “Because I Might Get Sucked Into the Leaf-blower” – bobofthejungle
· “Cause It’s Hard to Find Tiny Sombreros for Your Tiny Pepe” – Ninja Donkey
· “Plus I’d Get to Ride the Taco Bell Dog” – bob fredson
· “Plus Immigrating Via UPS Would Cost Less” – Ty
· “Regular-Sized INS Agents?” – nick
· “Yeah, but Guess What Else Is Tiny…” – Katy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Especially the Poon

NYU drama queen #1: I mean, we’re smearing pollen all over him… It’s going to be sticky.
NYU drama queen #2: What are we using for that?
NYU drama queen #1: Corn starch. We were going to use Tang, but that would stain everything… –E 9th & Ave A Overheard by: Bailey

They Either Figure It Out or They Starve

Lost tourist: Excuse me, can you tell how to get to 38th Street?
Guy passing out Metro: 38th Street? Sure. Here, take one of these [gives him a copy of Metro]. Now just keep walking that way [points towards Fifth Avenue].
Lost tourist: Hey! Thanks! –Grand Central Overheard by: would’ve lied also

These Wednesday One-Liners Are Brought to You by Birkenstock

Guy to buddy: Dude, we are actually a lesbian couple. –Penn Station Overheard by: Sofa Loud woman on cell: Did you know that Devahndra had a baby? Yeah, a girl. What happened to being a lesbian? Yeah, I guess that one went kinda short. –Bx16 bus Overheard by: Lillian LI man: … And then the lesbians — they surrounded me. –LIRR, Jamaica Overheard by: wish they had been surrounding ME Hipster: She thought she was a lesbian, but she was a midget. –L train Suit to female companion: Even lesbians have to eat! –34th St Overheard by: oh, is that why i’m so hungry?