Archive for 2007

The Case for Forced Sterilization

Teen girl #1: I mean, anything is possible.
Teen boy: So, you mean I could punch somebody’s head off?
Teen girl #2: I don’t think so.
Teen girl #3: Hey, I’m sure it is possible.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, like, you could punch a baby’s head off!
Teen boy: I’m not talking about babies.
Teen girl #1: Well, I’m sure you could!
Teen girl #3: Yeah! Totally! ‘Cause, like, their heads are so big and their bodies are so small… It’d just be like: Boom! And they don’t have a head!

–Gloria Jeans, Staten Island Mall

For All the Wrong Reasons

Woman getting her watch fixed: Are you a Jew?
Watch kiosk guy: Yes.
Woman: Good! Very, very good! Wonderful!
Watch kiosk guy: Yes?
Woman: Yes! Very good! I’m a born-again Christian, and we love the Jews!

–Watch repair kiosk, Port Authority

Overheard by: I just like you cuz you have batteries!

I Like to Think of My Sex Life As a Christian Charity

Queer: So, I was on a date with this guy, Christian — like the religion — the other night, and we had a nice hug and kiss goodbye. Then he went down into the PATH train. Right after he left, my phone started ringing and it said Christian was calling, and I was like, ‘What? How’s he calling me?’ And then I realized it was Cristian, C-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, this other guy I hooked up with a few months ago. So I answered and we ended up hooking up again that night… So, I had two Christians in one night. If this were ancient Rome, I’d be the lion in the Colosseum.

–Posh bar

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

But, Most Importantly, I Bought an IPhone

Guy #1: I haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?
Guy #2: Well, I’m in the process of switching web hosts, and it’s going to be saving me a few bucks a month. I just need to decide what Linux distribution to use. What about you?
Guy #1: I got married and we had a baby.
Guy #2: That’s cool.

–Office, Midtown

I Don’t Recall Saying It Was a Problem

Guy #1: Dude I just came from an eight o’clock class!
Guy #2: That’s brutal, man…
Guy #1: Nah, my teacher is mad fucking hot! [Whole class turns around.]
Hefty professor: Well, you won’t have that problem in this class.

–Silver Building, NYU

Overheard by: Vinny Ku