Archive for 2007

Uncle Waltergeist

Old guy in group: So, I saw this special last night on hauntings, and there was this one segment that reminded me so much of stories my aunt used to tell us about growing up in Brooklyn. She says their house had a ghost that haunted their attic and–
Young guy, interrupting: –Oh, cool! Was it the kind of ghost that tips over furniture and rattles tea cups, or the kind that flips you over in your sleep and rapes you up your ass?
Group: [Palpable silence.]

–Central Park Lawn

That One Paid the Most

White guy: So, you are an artist now?
Weird-looking JAP: Yeah.
White guy: Weren’t you a musician just a month ago?
Weird-looking JAP: Yes.
White guy: What the fuck is going on?
Weird-looking JAP: I believe in this religion that asks me to experience my life with different professions.
White guy: So, what were you before you were a musician?
Weird-looking JAP: I was homeless.

–Houston & MacDougal

Overheard by: ting

Or Maybe She Just Wants Her House Cleaned for Free

Hippie chick #1: Wait, so what’s your mother’s excuse for treating you like a maid?
Hippie chick #2: She says she’s training me for when I get married.
Hippie chick #1: But I thought your mom was a total fembot.
Hippie chick #2: She claims to be, but this isn’t her only hypocritical fetish. I mean, the woman drinks nonalcoholic wine.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Domestically Apathetic

Is ‘Oxycodone’ with an ‘I’ or a ‘Y’?

Lady suit: I can’t keep coming here to get my prescription filled. They’re beginning to recognize me.
Suit: So what?
Lady suit: So, what if I get in trouble?
Suit: Why would you get in trouble? You have a prescription from a doctor.
Lady suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I forgot to put the date on this.

–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/