Archive for 2007

I Feel Like Such a Retard

Redhead: That woman is such a cunt.
Dressy guy: How come it’s okay for you to say ‘cunt,’ but if I say it you get all up in a snit?
Redhead: It’s like ‘nigger.’ You can only say it if you are one. [Eyes open wide, mouth gapes, mortified] Oh my god, I can’t believe I just said that.

–Nathan’s, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

I Did, for Christ’s Sake!

Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know — are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay… I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don’t know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th — first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English.

–J&R Music, City Hall

Overheard by: Hugh

It’s the Default Option

Chick #1: So, what do you think?
Chick #2: It’s…
Chick #1: It’s complicated.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s complicated.
Chick #1: I need to change my Facebook profile. Is ‘It’s complicated’ an option for relationship status?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Good.

–73rd & Columbus

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Nope, Raised in a Barn

Old lady to weird guy: Get up! Get up! Can’t you see that that woman has two young children? [Weird guy reluctantly gets up.] You must be an orphan.
Weird guy: Fuck off. [He moves away and departs at the next stop.]
Old lady: What? He was getting off at the next stop? He must be an orphan.

–A train

Overheard by: rachel

It’s Like That Frampton Song, but Wetter

Dude #1: So, you know The Vagina Monologues are coming, right?
Dude #2: Yeah, are you going to get them in your studio?
Dude #1: Yeah, I’m hoping to get some recordings.
Dude #2: So, they really talk out their vaginas?
Dude #1: No, it’s like a play or something.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought they, like, spread their legs and… I mean, I thought it was hardcore.
Dude #1: No.
Dude #2: They should do that, though.
Dude #1: Yeah.

–Gym