…His Runny Bunny Eyes

Yuppie guy: And I just knew it was him, because he had this hard case of pink eye going on.
Yuppie girl: Ew!
Yuppie guy: He swears it's not contagious, but every time I run into him, there it is.

–E 67th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Abs


Sadly, It Was a Spinach Salad

Waitress: Would you like soup or salad with that?
Loud queer: I’ll have the salad, if it’s clean.
Waitress: [Silence.]
Loud queer: Who’s making the salad?
Waitress: Jonathan.
Loud queer: Oh, if Jonathan’s making it, then it’s clean. I’ll have the salad.

–Mudd, 9th Ave, between 1st & 2nd St

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!

–11th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.

–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St

Overheard by: McF

Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"

–8th St & 23rd St

Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!

–58th & 9th

Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."

–57th & 7th

Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!

–Amsterdam & 83rd

What Not to Wednesday One-Liner

Hipster girl: Look, just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grader.

–Union Pool, Brooklyn

Vain fag, looking at pants: I really love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this summer…

–LIRR

Guy wearing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d never wear crocs. They’re ugly.

–Forest Hills Gardens, Queens

Overheard by: Aloof Loner

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on ourselves.

–Bloomingdale’s

Disembodied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stomach and then it makes a little V-neck pouch for your vagina. I hate that shit!

–Fitting Rooms, Gap in Herald Square

Overheard by: Zarya

[Waiting in line for the washroom.]
Lady, bawling her eyes out
: Sorry, I ordered this jacket, and it’s two sizes too big!


–Macy’s

Overheard by: Tracy