And a Kind of Sweater, Right?

Upstate girl: If you thought Geneseo was bad, you should see Angola; there’s really nothing out there.
Hipster boy: Angola? That sounds like a disease.
Upstate girl: Well, yeah — it’s an African country.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Greybanks

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Smell Anything

Sassy lady: Honey, she so lazy… She too lazy to fart, she so lazy!

–Celebrity Jeopardy taping, Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Lady Sean Connery Wannabe

Man holding ‘Hungry Jew’ sign: Hey, ladies, need a boy-toy? I just farted.

–Lincoln Center

Ghetto Asian teen: Nigga, my farts smell like daisies.

–68th & 1st

Class act: Damn! I got gas like a mo-fo, and this cough ain’t helping.

–Escalator, 59th St subway station

Five-year-old girl to father: Ha, ha! I farted on you!

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Steve

Stop Using Sex as a Weapon

Hipster guy: Wax makes my hair too sticky, I like the mud better.
Hipster girl: I can’t believe we have sex. –Mott & Spring Girl: “Feeling sick? Sex can help–”
Professor lady: You haven’t had any lately, have you? –Pace University Guy #1: With fiction books, if someone tells you the ending, it’s like there’s no point to them. But with non-fiction, you can know exactly what’s going to happen and they’re still a joy to read.
Guy #2: Man, you really should try getting laid sometime. Stop bothering me. –Clovis Press, Williamsburg Overheard by: nalin

…Mostly Avoiding Their Work

Guy: There's a lot of people walking around!
Girl, pointing out the obvious: It's… It's a university. There's always a lot of people.


Oh, These Guys Would Respect You Like Crazy

Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.

–Grand Central Station

Was Another Boy Fucking Him?

High school dancer #1: Like, oh my god, I had the weirdest dream the other night… I was fucking Brendan Urie from Panic! at the Disco.
High school dancer #2: Wow… I need details! Did you get wet? Was he on top? Was I in the bed?

–Central Park

Overheard by: thatgirlrightthere

Mom Gets Her First Gray Hair

Little girl: It'll be my party and I'll be four and a half.
Mother: Well, you'll be five.
Little girl: But mommy, I didn't have a four and half birthday party!

–F Train