In a hamburger joint in Vancouver: “Can I have a regular hamburger, rare, please?” Waitress: “You’re obviously not from BC. In the whole province, it is illegal to cook a hamburger in any way other than well-done.”
Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Four teenagers in a convertible at a stop-sign speaking about me as I cross the street right in front of them, in Vancouver: “Hey, he looks Jewish!”
Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?
Tourist in Vancouver: Where is a neighborhood with lots of bars and cafes? Vancouverite: The street with all the bars and cafes is…. [then points and gives directions]
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”
Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.’”
Woman waiting on line in Newark airport: “Isn’t it amazing how, whenever you go to a foreign country, you can get such a feel for the country just from the airport? Take New York: you land here, you look out the windows, and the first thing you realize about New York is, ‘aren’t the vehicles here so big!’”
Waitress: How do you want your burgers cooked?
Waitress: Meat is cooked. What color do you want the meat inside to be? Pink, red, brown?
Foreigner: What?! –Jackson Hole, 36th Street
Customer: I rescue cats in the Bronx.
Shopgirl: You know sometimes poor families with children that aren’t taught well don’t know how to treat animals. I wish there was something that could be done about them. You know it’s not fair for the animals if they get placed into a bad home like that. If they don’t have enough money to take care of their children, how are they going to take care of an animal? And they [sic] don’t even treat their children right. –Purty Girl Boutique, Thompson St.