One Might Even Say You're Nuts.

Girl #1: I want chocolate.
Girl #2: So get some chocolate.
Girl #1: I'm going to get some m&ms. The peanut ones.
Girl #2: But the plain ones are chocolaty-er.
Girl #1: But if I just eat the chocolate off the peanuts, and then throw the peanuts away, then I'm only eating half the calories!
Girl #2: You're stupid.
Girl #1: No! (shows girl #2 the nutritional info on the back of both packets)
Girl #2: Yes. –New York Times Cafeteria

What Kind Of Man Has Female Friends?

Queer #1: I just don't get him at all.
Queer #2: Seriously! It's like he wants to be bisexual, but without the sexual. –14th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: tchassis

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Dan Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo. –American Museum of Natural History Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy! –Used Furniture Store, Staten Island Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol! –A Train Overheard by: Swarles Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me! –Empire State Building Overheard by: Claire Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate. –The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing Overheard by: Taylor

Conventional Violence Solves Everything

Hipster #1: I think he just wanted to go out in the street and have a hipster fight about it.
Hipster #2: What is that? They see who can eat the least amount of food?
Hipster #3: No, they see who can squeeze into the tiniest pants.
Hipster #1: That’s funny, but I don’t see how that solves anything.
Hipster #3: Whatever — fucking hipsters. –Crash Mansion on Bowery

Dorks: Want to Be Jabba the Hutt? Here’s How!

Chick #1: I am so pathetic.
Chick #2: You are not pathetic! If you and I lived together and did nothing but eat chocolate, guacamole and chips and ice cream and play Nintendo, and we ended up weighing 500 pounds each, but having weirdly toned hands and forearms from the Nintendo playing, that would be pathetic. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: djlindee