I Participated in the Cosmetics Counter Sit-Ins at Greensboro

Old woman: Did you happen to notice if the dancers were wearing nail polish?
Teen girl: No. I'm sorry, I didn't.
Old woman: I imagine an art form such as this stifles the dancers' individual expression. I know some days I feel watermelon pink… and no one can stop me!

–Front Row, NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Gina Sophia

Nah, I'm Too Depressed to Hypothesize

Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?


Thought I Was the Only One It Gave Such Good Service To

Lobby guard to suit #1: This way, sir, I have an elevator waiting right here for you.
Suit #2, already in elevator: What a disappointment. I thought I was the only one he gave such good service to.
Suit #1: Life is just a series of small disappointments punctuated by the occasional crushing disappointment.
Suit #2: Oh, there are occasional high points.
Suit #1: Do you remember your last one?
Suit #2, getting off at his floor: Thanks for the uplift.
Suit #1: Don't thank me for that, thank the elevator.

–15 Maiden Lane

Overheard by: Big Larry

Says She's Through Fellating Strangers

Girl #1: The last time we went out she paid for her own drinks.
Girl #2: She pays for her own drinks? Eww, who does that?
Girl #1: I know!

–Crate & Barrel, SoHo

Overheard by: Akiko

Some Wednesday One-Liners for You to Chew On.

Girl to boyfriend: Well, I don't know what kind of cult they're in, but they make the best waffles.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Chunky Jesus

Guy on phone, loudly: Yes! Make the soup! Make the soup! If you don't, I simply don't know how I'm going to spend the weekend! (long pause) Wait, what? Don't you use words that are longer than five letters when talking to me, young one!

–Q Train

20-something: He once tried to deep-fry an orange.

–Bar, Midtown

Overheard by: Adam

50-something yelling on cell: Yeah… I figured out we were at the movies, I was just wondering who brought the asparagus.

–Fairway Market, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Antny

Woman looking in her sandwich: This is absurd!