Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!

–Union Square Station

Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)

–11th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mal Sullivan

Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…

–2 Train

Overheard by: drew

Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…

–E Train

How Marshmallows Are Made (A NYC Short Story)

Fat woman: You’re a piece of shit, you know that? That’s what you are, a piece of shit. You are a bitch, and you know who else is a bitch? Your mother. And your grandmother is a bitch, and her mother was a bitch, and all those generations before that were bitches. You should go back to your country, where they’re not so stupid to give our money to people like you who spend it on fur coats. You think you have more money than me? Lady, I have more money than you could ever dream of having. And I’m young, I’m 25, and you’re old, you’re an old lady. Get a job.
Russian woman: Since I come here from Russia, I work every day for 17 years! You are terrible!
Fat woman: Oh right, right. I’ve seen you on Stillwell, paying with food stamps in your fur coat. You are a piece of shit, you bitch. The train stops at 4th avenue. The fat woman leaves the train, cursing, and bangs loudly on the window from outside. A cop approaches her, and seeing him she holds the train doors open. Fat woman: Officer! Officer! This Russian lady in this car here was yelling at me. That’s her, sitting right there, she was cursing at me.
Cop: Come with me, miss. He drags the fat woman off. The entire car applauds. –F train Overheard by: Eric W

Why Do All Of Our Conversations End with That?

Girl #1: I hate her. She's such a stuck up bitch.
Girl #2: Oh, kind of like us?
Girl #1: I guess. I don't know, she just really looks like a chipmunk.
Girl #2: I love woodland creatures!

–Columbia University


Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

He Looks So Cute in His Jammies

Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox.

–Bloomingdale's

Overheard by: yeppers