Wednesdays Get Their Beauty One-Liner

Hipster: You just can't pretend you're asleep when someone sits on your dick.

–110th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Alvionne

Guy: Dude, I think I have mono… I slept like thirteen hours last night.

–Columbia

Man to two children he's leading by their hands: You went to bed late last night, so that's why the bogeyman gave your mother a black eye.

–Borough Hall, Brooklyn

40-something on cell: So I've been having a problem recently. I use my phone as my alarm clock and every single morning when it goes off I look at my phone and it says "snooze" or "dismiss," but because I'm half asleep I always think "snooze" is "snooki" and I get really confused. So every morning I stare at my phone, and I'm barely awake, and I think, "how are my options snooki or dismiss?" What's going on? And sometimes I actually hit dismiss because I figure "snooki" can't possibly be the right answer. I don't know what's going on with me, but I blame it entirely on you.

–Court & Street, Brooklyn


The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.

–4 Train

Overheard by: heather

Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.

–Staten Island Ferry Station

Overheard by: mindy

Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.

–Psych Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: I completely agree

Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.

–Butler Library, Columbia University