Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective. –Downtown 2 train Overheard by: Susan Volchok Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from! –Mouse House, Bronx Zoo Overheard by: LT$ Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things. –Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you! –Penn Station Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.” –Central Park Overheard by: God would be proud Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass! –Court St Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck! –48th & 8th Overheard by: Russell Z
Guy: Yeah, well, he’s a big fan of the cadaver tissue. –Washington Heights Lady on cell: My god he killed everyone last night. He first sat on her then started to beat on her. Then she got up and started beating on him. –West Broadway & Chambers Fat Hispanic woman: I don’t know, I just haven’t been using my gun lately. –Fort Greene
Crying woman: You fucked her and then you fucked me.
Man: But baby, I knew it was wrong at the time! –Central Park South Overheard by: Lily
Gay guy #1: We should get tickets to a musical in April.
Gay guy #2: I don't like musicals.
Gay guy #1: What?
Gay guy #2: I don't like plays.
Gay guy #1: Gay.
Woman #1: You’ve got two more years left, and then do you know what you’re going to be? Fifty years old.
Woman #2: And I get better-looking every year.
Daughter: No, you don’t!
Overheard by: Jon A.
Elevator woman: How's it going?
Elevator man: Well, you know… It's Thursday, so I'm happy about that. But everything else… is what it is. I really don't control anything else.
Overheard by: Paper
Drunk guy #1: I’m fucked up, man.
Drunk guy #2: Not as screwed as me, right?
Sober guy: What do you mean?
Drunk guy #2: I can’t figure out whose freaking hand is down my pants! –F train
Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on!
–12th & Broadway
Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide!
Overheard by: Argopelter
Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!
–1st Ave & 10th
Overheard by: moodle
Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection!
–34th & 2nd
Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class.
–St Marks & 2nd Ave
Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please?
–Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Teen girl #1: I feel like I need to expose you to some culture. Have you heard the latest Miley Cyrus?
Teen girl #2: That's not the kind of culture I want to be exposed to.
Exasperated mother: C'mon, we're going to be late.
Hyperactive boy: No! We have to wait for daddy!
Exasperated mother: What? Your father's in Philly.
Hyperactive boy: My other daddy!
Exasperated mother: Who, Bob?
Hyperactive Boy: No, Gary!
Overheard by: Mommy's Been Busy