White Girls Dig the Disrespect

Thug to white woman on the street: Ashley! Yo Ashley!
Thug friend: You know her?
Thug: Man, they all named Ashley.

–145th St & Broadway


Wednesday Eight-Sided-Dice Liners

Bearded nerd walking into comic book store: Don't even start arguing with me about Star Wars, man. You're not gonna win.

–Forbidden Planet, Union Square

Comic-Con goer: I don't think I could eat a pikachu.

–Jacob K. Javits Center, Midtown

Nerdy girl on cell: I don't care how good you are at black ops! I'm screwing a dungeon master, that gives me twice as much nerd cred as you!

–Grand Central

Nerd guy: My type is basically anyone who is flirting with me.

–Park Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Ted


. . . and the Wedding Is on Saturday

Dartmouth boy: This girl I used to work with wore too much eyeliner — She was from the Midwest, she has a smile only a horse could love, skips around with lots of boyfriends, threw a birthday party for her dog — you get the picture. So she’s an ugly Midwestern girl who works at Goldman Sachs in the Muni Department, it’s not even real banking… –Union Ave & Scholes, Williamsburg Overheard by: Columbia Girl Who Can’t Stop Laughing

But They’d Be Perfect for You

Chick #1: Have you ever broken your phone?
Chick #2: No, I think the worst I’ve ever broken is my finger.
Chick #1: [Pause] But, I mean, now I don’t have any of my numbers.
Chick #2: Oh my god! I thought you meant… Oh, wow. Well, why didn’t you just tell me you broke your phone? I have, like, four.
Chick #1: Four?
Chick #2: Well, they weren’t nice. I didn’t feel like they were reliable.

–L train

I Won't Be There

Suit: When I get you pregnant, I don't think you'll gain a lot of weight.
Girlfriend: Oh, yes I will. The moment I get knocked up I'm going to gain like fifty pounds.
Suit: Please do!

–3rd Ave & 14th St