Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho. –13th St. & 3rd Ave. Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs. –13th St. & 2nd Ave. Overheard by: Chris Carter Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”. –F train Overheard by: Nathalie

If You Have to Ask…

Guy: I just geeked out my profile by a million percent. What do you think?
Girl: Hold up, let me check…
Guy: So what do you think?
Girl: Yeah, that Evangelion child shit is weird.
Guy: Like how weird? –Starbucks, Astor Place Overheard by: Zah

Black Republicans Can Be Awfully Selfish

Conductor: We have been advised that the 2 train will not be stopping at 125th Street due to the President of the United States in Harlem.
Ghetto chick: Yo, why Obama gotta be fuckin up my commute, though… Like muthafucka gonna ride the 2 train.

–Times Square


Wednesday One-Liners Make Friends with the Purple Monkey in the Corner

Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Matt M Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot. –Bleecker St English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed? –City College Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die. — CVS, 54th & Lex Overheard by: Your Mom Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict –Columbia University Overheard by: An offended crack addict Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke. –Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole