Tonight's Movie: The Island Of Dr. Moron

Israeli tourist, in Hebrew: Where's the Israeli street in Brooklyn?
Boss: I'm sorry, I don't know Brooklyn, I know Manhattan.
Israeli tourist, to friend: Do you wanna try going to Manhattan?

–23rd & 6th


The New Yorkers Waited With Bated Breath, Hoping Secession Was in the Works

Woman: Oh, this is great. We got on a nonstop train to Trenton. Just what I fuckin’ need in my life right now. It’s OK, we’ll just go see our nation’s capital.
Random man: Our nation’s capital?
Woman: You know I meant state. I don’t need comments from the fuckin’ peanut gallery. I went to high school. I graduated with fuckin’ honors.

–NJ Transit train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Another fuckin’ honor student

Does This Mean He’ll Stop Paying Me?

Girl #1: He called me his girlfriend today.
Girl #2: Really?!
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that’s nuts. What did he say?
Girl #1: Well, he described me as his ’20-year-old, beautiful girlfriend.’
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah. I mean, it’s awesome, but I don’t know what that means. He probably just, like, said it because ‘girlfriend’ is a much nicer word than, like, ‘whore.’

–Lafayette & Astor Pl

The Surest Way to a Man's Heart: Through Your Large Intestine.

30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.
30-something woman #2: What question?
30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.
30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.
30-something woman #1: That's the question!

–E Train to Queens

Overheard by: butt, of course

Headline by: Brian Costlow

Runners-Up:
· “Alex, I’ll Take “Things That Will Never Happen” for $100″ – The Trayster
· “Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions.” – KJM
· “I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse – Just in Case.” – Sodajerk
· “I Just Hope He Doesn’t Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche.” – pieski
· “Pooping the Question” – tech98
· “Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian” – Trey Jackson


Click here to see the new Headline Contest