There Should Be an IQ Prerequisite for Adultery

Man #1 spotting bench pressing Man #2: So, how’s the wifey?
Man #2: Oh, man, things aren’t good.
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: Her phone went dead so she borrowed mine. It was loud at the bar, so she went into the bathroom… She read my text messages. I had been texting some girl I hooked up with.
Man #1: Delete! Dude, delete!
Man #2: I know, but I even had her under a code name, ‘Rubes,’ because I met her through Ruben!

–Gym, Midtown

Overheard by: SwrrlGurll

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Girls, in Short.

Short girl to taller friend trying on jeans: Who in the world is suppose to fit these? What long legged creature was this made for?
Friend, seeing tall modelesque girl passing by: Well, I guess her?
Short girl: I'm not jealous!
Friend: Yes you are!
Shorter girl: Maybe just a little.

–Barneys New York

Overheard by: Izzy


Wednesday One-Liners (And That's No Joke.)

Exasperated girl: You can't even joke about jumping anymore!

–NYU Palladium Residence Hall

Overheard by: Mickey

Teen girl about friend with butter-phobia: And then we got some on a spoon and started trying to touch her with it and she started screaming! Shit, it was so funny! It sounded like she was getting raped.

–Bx16 Bus

Overheard by: Lillian

Thug on cell: Yo, someone just fell down the subway! I know, right, that shit's funny.

–A Train

Man in hat to friends: Yo, I got a headache… I been laughing at people too hard, man.

–1 Train

Overheard by: usually laughs softly