Historically Why the Option Of Being a Slut Exists.

Private school girl #1: Do they have, like, a lawn sports league?
Private school girl #2: What?
Private school girl #1: We should start one. For girls who want to play sports, but don't want to actually run around.

–M96 Bus

Overheard by: Rory Minelor


SpongeBob and Patrick Often Squabble

Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]

–Myrtle & Carlton

Overheard by: Myrtle Resident

A Wednesday for Breakfast, a One-Liner for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner

Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?

–Central Park

Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.

–B54 Bus

Overheard by: Alma Molato

Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!

–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!

–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick

Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!

–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th

Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.

–Blockbuster, Broadway

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

Wednesday One-liners Eat Their Vegetables

Businesschick: I was standing next to this hot guy on the train this morning and all I could think about was how bad my scallions smelled. –43rd & Broadway Dude: Vegetables don’t have calories. That’s why Japanese people are so skinny. –Autozone, Bed-Stuy Overheard by: Norm Woman: First of all, he was too tall for the carrot costume. And he was all twitchy…and sweaty. And his eyes were popping out. –F train