Overheard Editors: “Make That Five.”

Woman on phone: Look, the only people who would be interested in a tranny serving them breakfast in bed and cooking them up omelets in an omelet bar in their own room are me and you. So there's your customer base right there, two people.
(lady serving coffee at common ground raises hand)
Woman on phone
: Okay, fine! Three. Three people who want a tranny omelet bar!

–Ground Support, Soho

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditches duffel bag.

Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: cynic

…But I Have This Machete Just in Case.

(cop has police tape pulled across intersection to prevent pedestrians from walking while traffic is moving)
Ten-year-old kid, wearing gray sweatshirt and blue baseball cap
: Why are you doing that?

Cop: We got a call about someone wearing a gray sweatshirt and blue baseball cap prowling the streets, so this is to keep you safe. Do you feel safe, kid?
Kid, looking terrified: Yeah?

–5th Ave & 47th St