Dad: The invitation says five-thirty, but it probably won’t start until six.
Little girl: Six? I don’t understand — why do they make everyone rush to get here, and then we just have to wait?
–Miss Potter premiere, DGA Theater, 57th & 6th
Archive for January, 2008
There Would Be No Further Booty Calls for Ian
American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?
–Choga, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alice
I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You
College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!
–The Strand, Union Square
Overheard by: neongensis
Where Jeopardy! Winners Come From
Mom pushing stroller: … And how do you spell ‘Loch Ness’?
Four-year-old boy: L, um… L-O, um… um… L-O-C-H-N-E-S-S
–17th St & Irving Pl
You’re Not Worth It. We Spit in Toronto’s Coffee Now
Barista guy to girl wearing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you doing in this city? You don’t belong here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ignoring me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sorry, did you say something?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talking about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, whatever. You didn’t spit in my latte or anything, did you?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Snooper
They Stopped Reading after “Do Unto Others”
20-ish Yankees fan #1: … And I told him, ‘Dude, you have a penis — use it.’
20-ish Yankees fan #2: That’s kinda like rape.
20-ish Yankees fan #3: Remember when there were all those pictures of the American soldiers torturing Iraqis?
20-ish Yankees fan #2: Yeah, that was awesome.
–42nd St
Overheard by: GoRedSox
The UN Delegates from North and South Korea Are at It Again
Woman: I mean, chicken nuggets go straight to your ass.
Man: At least my tits don’t sag.
–42nd & 8th
Does Penney’s Even Carry Rubber?
Mom, looking at bedding: Oooh, this one is nice.
Daughter: Mom, I’m getting married. I want to have sex. Lots of it. Hot, steamy, nasty, married-people sex. I just don’t think I can do that on pastels.
–JCPenney bridal registry
If by “Discount Shopping” You Mean “Anonymous Barebacking”
Young girl with Texan accent #1: What’s Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the discount shopping places.
–R train
Headline by: dan
Runners-Up:
· “Bush Twins…….Activate!” – stephie
· “In Texas, We Call It Mexico…” – Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in SoHo?” – Chuckles
· “They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too.” – nick
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
He’ll Forget It, Though; She Won’t
Girl: I’m sorry I kicked you into a VIP table. I love you.
Guy: I’m sorry I called you a slut. I love you, too.
–L train